Life — January 10, 1884 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: Old lady (to Cabby): Now I want TOGO TO THE DRESS-MAKER’S; I’VE LOST THE ADDRESS, BUT IT’S A SMALL HOUSE JUST BEYOND MaDIsON SQUARE, DOWN A STREET, ON THE RIGHT, AND THE NUMBER 'S OVER THE DOOR. Cabby: WELL, WONT YOU PLEASE GIT UP HERE AND DRIVE YOURSELF, SO’S WE COULD BE SHURE OF NOT MAKIN’ ANY MISTAKES? THE ST. PATRICK CLUB. A MEETING for perfecting the organization of the St. Patrick Club of this city as a rival of the great Indian Organization of Fourteenth Street was called last night at the residence of Hon. Barney McCue, Goat Cliff, Central Park West. The reception room of Mr. McCue’s domicile had been cleaned and the pig temporarily placed in the salon adjoining. At eight o'clock pre- cisely Mr. Patrick McHooley drove up in his Dhumpe Cart made expressly for him by Booster of Boom Street. Shortly after Mr. Patsy Crinnion, accompanied by Denis O’Toole, Father Heeney of the Harlem Cathedral, Jake Nelligan, Jerry Bragen and his brother Billie, arrived on his stone drag. The meeting was called to order by Mr. O'Hagen who, clearing his throat, said : “‘Gintlemin av the matin’, Ave we a quarium prisint ?” “«Phwat’s that,” whispered Crinnion, ‘«Faix an’oi dunno, Is ita glass box fur fish yer afther wantin’, Misther Shpaker ?” asked McCue. “Be aisy wid ye, Barney. Oi waz simply askin’ waz there enough gintlemin prisint to condooct the arder av biznis! The wurrud quariuza, oi wud shtate fur the education av the mimbers, is a quatation fram Tirince, the ould Oirish poet (Cheers), an’ in New Yark ginrally is disignated boi the figger sivin! The book ay organization which oi hould in me hand sez: Sivin mimbers shail constituate a quarium.”” “«« We are sivin’”” quoted Father Heeney. Alderman Fitzpatrick moved that Father Heeney be fined for using slang. Mr, Fitzpatrick was thrown under the table and unanimously put out of order. “‘Numinations for momintary Prisidint ter sit whoil we tim- porize concernin’ oor conshtituency are now in arder,” announced Mr. O’Hagen. “* Oi numinate Billie Bra——” Billie’s supporter ‘was suppressed. ‘Qi prapose Misther McCue,” shouted some one, no one could tell who, At all events the voice came from where McCue had been standing. ‘*Misther McCue is numinated an’ oi move the numinations be closed, therefar there is only wan man befare the matin’, so—” and here O’Hagen drew himself up to his full height—‘‘so oi declare Misther McCue elicted !”” At this announcement there was a general division of the mem- bers, almost one half of them,—and among them the suppressed supporter of Billie—uttering a whurroo, and removing their coats, executed a fandango from one side of the room to the other. The friends of Bragen glared menacingly at the McCueites and danger was snift in the atmosphere. Mr. McCue blushed as he was wafted to his place at the table, and after a few moments’ reflection, during which the members sang “ God Save the Green,” he said : “Gintlemin av the Organization av St. Pathrick, Oi am here iy “Thrue far ye !” yelled Crinnion, a leader of the opposition. “* Qi am here to-night wid a heart runnin’ over wid commotion,” went on McCue, ignoring. ‘‘ Yez have elicted me prisident fer diem, an’ oi thank yez far the discrimination. We've druv the British from the Batthery wan cycle av decades ago !” “ Hurroo !” yelled Bragen. “ The gintlemin will plaze address the chair.” “‘ There ain’t wan in the room.” “Yis, gintlemin, the Oirish can thruly say, we druv the British fram the fray shoors av America to the bluddy fields av anarchy, finance, an’ denoralization.” (Tremendous applause, during which the lights were extinguished and the unnominated Bragen folded his limbs about the waist of the, chairman and saluted his lower jaw with spasmodic scintillations of his red right hand. The others were busily engaged in a like manner, and it was not until three quarters of an hour had elapsed, during which a vigorous sofistical argument was indulged in by both sides and Chateau McCue removed from the face of the earth that six policemen and Mrs, President Pro Tem McCue could adjourn the meeting. The St. Patrick’s Club is still unorganized ; for, as Mr. Crin- nion says: ‘‘ The gintlemin av moi constituation wint there wid harmony in their troats an’ came away wid abrasion an their ois. The McCue gang numinated an’ troid to worruk an us a boss av Shanteeville. Inthe wurruds av the philosopher, we didn’t loike the Chair, so we sat an ‘im; an’ Oi say phwat’s the sinse av havin’ a chair that can’t be sat an, by the powers!” J. K. Banes. THE MUFFIN-GETTERS. TH hungry and impecunious reader is requested to note the peculiar appropriateness of this title, and he has doubtless been asked from time to time if he regards it as indicating in any way the name of the author, and if so, why! It is hereby respectfully an- nounced that no living soul is aware of the author's identity, except the author himself, and he isn’t sure. The manuscript came to the publishers by mail and all the correspondence in reference thereto has been conducted under assumed names. Why this is so no one knows or—cares. The publishers, we are told, comicbooks.com