Life — January 3, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: GREETING. ITH the present number, Lire enters upon the second year of its existence, capable of stand- ing upon its legs without knocking its knees together, and confident of its future. In so doing, it has buried the time-honored lie that there was no sphere fora satirical journal which kept entirely within the limits | of refinement and decency. It feels that its path has been smoothed by the cordial welcome and good wishes of its many friends, and to these it returns warm thanks, together with the promise that in the future it shall more than compensate for those past shortcomings which were naturally incident to youth. A TRIANGULAR DUEL IN THREE ACTS. BY ONE OF THE ACTORS. This play has just had a marvellous run of one consecu- tive night in Boston. DRAMATIS PERSON. Mr. Bowser, handsome and confident. Mr. Towser, not so handsome but clever. Miss WaverIn, the Queen, of that “calm which is | just between.” Act I, Scene I.—Beacon Street—Sunday afternoon —Bowser and Miss W. out for a stroll. Bowser, fog. I hope you don’t treat Towser as you do me; he’s rather susceptible and it might hurt him, poor fellow. Miss W., fog. O no, I don't treat him atall as I do you, of course, Scene II., Act I. Towser and Miss W. at Miss W.'s house, sitting together on a small sofa. Miss W., fog. I went to walk with Mr. B. yesterday afternoon and he said he hoped I did not treat you as I did him, you were so susceptible. Towser, excited. What do you mean? hope not. Miss W. O no, that’s what I told him; I said Idid not treat you at all as I did him. I should Act IIL, Scene Il, Afiss W. and Towser still sit- ting on the sofa, but with more of the sofa in view, Towser, dog. though. Poor Bowser! good enough fellow, M. M. THERE seems to be a very strong impression in the community that the Metropolitan Museum was exten- sively swindled when it purchased the Cesnola collec- tion, but it certainly got its money’s worth in the Venus with eleven toes, when it only paid for ten of them. FIRST AID TO THE INJURED. LECTURE VIIL—BITES. I B'TES of all sorts are painful, and if not . treated with expedition and skill, they sometimes prove very dangerous, The most common kinds are those received from dogs, mosquitos and bears. The rarest kinds are trilobites and Jacobites. 2. One seldom, if ever, gets a bite when out fishing. 3. If about to be bitten by a dog, while serenading or foraging in a melon patch, immediately take some violent exercise in order to preserve a good circula- tion. For instance, run a mile or so without stopping. | 4. Never stop running because there is a man with a | club apparently chasing the dog—sometimes he is en- couraging him. 5. If this does not accelerate the action of the heart, climb the nearest tree. | 6. Do n't get down again for the purpose of rescu- | ing the sample of your trousers. This is one of the dog’s perquisites, and he wants it for his scrap-book. 7. When a mosquito begins to bite, do n’t slap him. Some authorities insist that you should let him finish, and then offer him a toothpick and an after-dinner cigar. 8. The above rule applies strictly to mosquitos, and must not be extended to include dogs or bears. 9. On suddenly entering the parlor, where the mis- tletoe hangs, you may surprise a young man apparently in the act of biting a young lady on the cheek. The symptoms which follow this generally include violent blushing and a tendency to talk about the weather. The most popular remedy is a solitaire ring applied to the third finger of the young lady’s left hand. H.L. Ss. MY BRIERWOOD PIPE. GWEETER than rosy lips to me, Or clover to the honey bee ; Richer than Amalthea's horn In memory’s bright ‘‘dewy dawn "— Each whiff ’s an open sesame ! Their bluish mists curl lazily In spiral swirls—the spirit 's free, Here puffing in the amber morn My brierwood pipe. In dreamy languor oft I see The brimming cups of revelry; The sweetest buds that time has shorn In living beauty bloom, new-born, O lips, caress it lovingly, My brierwood pipe. Harotp VAN SANTVOORD. One of the Nihilistic organizations of ‘Russia has sent for several copies of the hand-book ‘‘ Don’t.” It is thought they | will attempt to assassinate the Czar with one of them. comicbooks.com