Life — December 20, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE- IIL. [Extract from the Sydney Boomerang,” April 14th, 1883.) “England's greatest Philosopher read his lecture upon ‘ Lubricity’ last night to a cultivated audience. His evening dress was made striking by his wearing, ared cravat and a diamond pin. He delivered his “LupRiciTy.” lecture in a quick, nervous manner, from printed notes. We are requested not to publish the lecture; and cheer- fully refrain from doing so. After the lecture, the poet went with some other gentlemen to a cock-fight, and in the evening expressed his intention of ‘ painting the town red." [‘‘ Calcutta Times,” April 14th, 1883.) “The great Philosopher arrived yesterday. He is athin man, with side whiskers, and a complexion burn- ed by his vogage. His lecture, last night, was largely attended. The lecture, though full of brilliant ideas, seemed so obscure, that we cannot but think that the leaves had not been numbered and that the lecture had been shuffled wrong. We are told at the hotel, that the Philosopher invariably goes to bed with his boots on, and lunches upon a glass of whiskey and a cigar.” ['* Boston Herald,” April 14th, 1883.) Another chance has been offered the citizens of the Modern Athens, to listen to a distinguished son of England. The great Poet, last evening, lectured at the Music Hall, to acultivated and refined audience. At eight o'clock a light figure, clad in pink tights and a single eye-glass, bounded upon the stage, and spoke afew words in the dialect peculiar to the educated English. “My blooming friends, since I landed in your blasted country, I ‘ave ’ad the misfortune to lose the notes of my bloody old lecture. I ‘aven't ‘ad time to write another, and accordingly ‘ave decided to give you an Exhibition of Sleight of Hand or Spiritualism Un- masked!’ The Philosopher then proceeded, to the great surprise of the audience, to give an inferior ex- 315 hibition of magic and cabinet work. It was indeed painful to see England’s greatest Philosopher eating glass and swallowing swords.” “THE PHILOSOPHER AT WORK.” IV. It is Christmas again. ‘he air is crisp and spark- ling. The Philosopher's heart is opened wide by a genial glow, as he surveys the gold of three continents heaped upon his library table. HE knot is tied, ‘The groom and bride, Without an earthly care, Sail up the lake Where they can take A litde sun and air, A year goes by, Again July Comes with its heat and glare ; They seek the lake, But now they take A little son and heir. AuTHOR Unknown, ENGLAND’s ill success in her foreign policy in Egypt only serves to prove the wisdom of the proverb, “Ex Nilo nil fit.” Mamma (soothingly): “ Well, my dear, I wouldn't feel so badly about it, I'm sure!” Davcuter: “O but to think of all the trouble we had sending to that milliner in Paris, and having a fight with Papa over the bill, and then to have that horrid girl come out with’ one twice as stylish! O it's enough to make one go into a convent!" A FORTHCOMING event—one that succeeds three others. comicbooks.com