Life — September 27, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIEE : WISHING. Four white fingers in my hand, Tapered, soft, and slender; I'm to wish a ring on, and Tell her something tender. All my wits have gone to sleep While she lets them linger; What a charm it is to keep Hold of this small finger ! Shall I tell her, doubting eyes Looking upwards sweetly ? Cupid in their gentle guise Captures me completely. What’s the wish? Ah, love, you know: Needless my endeavor ! I would hold this finger so, Wishing on forever. F.D.S. DISMAL. THE three brothers, Solomon, Jacob and Joseph Benjamin, stood in their shop discussing the day's earnings. ** Und dot military goat wid golt buddons, how much, eh?” said Solomon, the eldest brother and head of the firm. Six tollars und a hallef,” said Joseph, Is dot all he gif you?” exclaimed Solomon in agonized tone. “I paid sefenty-fife cents for dot goat! We are ruint gom- pledely.” AGNUS FATUUS IN WALL STREET. III. Quien pregunta no yerra. AGNuS said “Certainly,” and felt that Ananias could have borne Geo. Washington's hatchet in triumph before him. Shearum looked at the “ticker,” and remarked, “ Bison and East Shore looks pretty sick. Glad none of you fellers are long of it.” One of the “fellers” said with a chuckle, “I'm saved if I'd dare to go short of any sanctified stock on the whole angelical list. The redeemed bulls are just fixin’ things to play merry Paradise, and don’t you forget it!” Snorter entered breathless. “How's the market ?” Snorter replied with lightning rapidity: “ St. Peter’s three-quarters, Patagonian a half, Pond shares five- eighths, Canada Northern a quarter, Cheyennes pre- ferred seven-eighths, Kentucky an eighth—lending flat.” “ How 's money ?” “ Lots offering at a quarter.” “There !" said Shearum blandly to the dazed Ag- nus, “ you see the market 's got no strength, and there ’s sure to be a rally as soon as the shorts try to cover.” Agnus said “Certainly ; any one could see that,” and sadly went up-town to wonder at the precision, clearness and open simplicity of stocks. That evening after dinner Agnus sought “ points” of old Silenus at the Club. There is no man living like unto Silenus for giving away valuable information about stocks and indeed about all profit- able investments. At sixty years he is a debt-ridden pauper. He has given away so many points for making fortunes that he remains himself impecunious. Silenus said, smoking one of Agnus’ cigars the while, “Nothing, my boy, like Catskill second preferred. The Company has no debt worth mentioning, its resources are enormous, traffic returns foreshadow plainly ten per cent. dividend all around. Only road in the country Bill and Jay and Russell and I can ever talk about and all agree on, It’s at twenty-six now. It will be two hundred when the crops begin to move. You're safé in buying every share you can get at under thirty!” “ Thirty what?” asked Agnus. “Thirty nothing,” replied the sage, “I said just plain thirty.”” “Yes, I know you did, but I didn’t quite catch your meaning,” said Agnus. “Now suppose I tell the brokers to sell mea lot of this what d’ ye call it at thirty, what do they do?” Silenus, nettled, replied : “I said duy it at thirty or under, not se// it.” “Yes,” answered Agnus, “but I don’t suppose it really makes any difference, does it?” Silenus gasped “You see,” said Agnus, ina burst of confidence, “T was down to-day looking into stocks and to-morrow I''m going to go in for a speculation ; so, as every one says you always give a fellow points, I thought I'd ask your opinion. Of course I rely on my own judgment, but I would like to hear what you've got to say, you know.” Silenus glared at him and rose, saying in a voice tremulous with rage and the brandy-and-sodas of half a century, comicbooks.com