Life — September 13, 1883 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

128 W HEN I was young I dwelt among A group of maidens gentle, And somehow grew, as fellows do, To be quite sentimental : I kissed the girls, and pulled their curls, Played “‘ Buzz” and “ Copenhagen ;”” Now they are flown, and I am grown A sensible old Pagan. For once I met a gay coquette Enchanting, sweet and charming, And in a week I found my cheek Had wrought a deed alarming : I lightly swore, as oft before, Affectionate assurance, And vowed a life without a wife ‘To be beyond endurance, I used to write her every night A sugar-sentenced letter, With raptures of a lavish love That knew of nothing better : I wailed my woes in plaintive prose As doleful as a hearse is, And jammed my joy, like any boy, In very spoony verses. My postage bill increased until My bank deposits dwindled ; Her missives came and fed the flame ‘That cunning Cupid kindled : I bought bouquets, and penned my praise In language fine and fervent ; ‘To end the note I always wrote— “Your most devoted servant.” Alas, the stationery gay— The reams of tinted paper! Alas, the ink I used to think Had magic in its vapor! Alas, that I should ever buy Such loads of things to give her! When I recall them, one and all, It makes my conscience quiver ! For woe is me! I didn’t see— Love made me so short-sighted— How vain it was to woo, because She seemed so much delighted : For she had money, I had none ‘To make my pockets jingle, And so I live a fugitive, In blessedness that 's single. FRANK DempsTER SHERMAN, Tue paternal achers—the guv'nor's teeth. - LIFE: BALLAD OF A BOLD BACHELOR. THE BLESSINGS OF A DAY. Gorm is not the only thing that glitters. Much the greater part of the great sum-total of daily shine emanates from substances decidedly more humble and more common. Tin cans and broken glass can shine if only the sunlight gets to them. Not less insignificant things make our daily bread repose in cheerful serenity in our stomachs. In the long run I know that my comfort depends on the consciousness that my be- havior warrants me in being careless of a fireproof coffin when I die, but my happiness from hour to hour, or, it may be, my misery, I owe to the reflections which trivial and unimportant things call into existence in my mind. Here is a list of yesterday's small blessings : On waking to lie abed ten minutes longer. ‘To be able to put on big shoes instead of the small ones of the previous night. Pleasurable surprise at finding umbrella not taken during breakfast. Comfort of being at office in time to read paper and assume studious attitude before Smith gets down. Consciousness that Smith is late. Ditto that he is very late. Momentary thrill at throwing mucilage pot at organ- grinder below window. Self-commendatory consciousness that Smith has a head on him. Comfortable feeling all day over Smith’s state and his resulting idleness. Much comfort in loafing because Smith does even less. Complacency at refusing two cocktails before dinner. Comfort in a B, & S. taken with Smith and in bene- volent recognition of his state. Dinner, and in. particular the cold apple pie with cheese. Self-congratulation that I have not got to marry girl with frizzy hair engaged to Jones. . Comfort in thinking Jones Aas got to marry her. Comfortable nap in office chair while preserving ap- pearance of work. Satisfaction at hearing Smith say he has had two more drinks, because myself have had none. Joy at finding Mrs. Rogers not at home and leaving card, Tea. Novel. Cigar. Bed. DE FOOL NIGGER am like an ostrich. He stix his nose in a glass ob beer, jes’ like de bird puts his bill in de san’, an’ tinks nobody ain't a-lookin’. comicbooks.com