Life — September 6, 1883 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

How pitirut THAT A No. 3 CARPET TACK COMING IN CONTACT WITH HIS HEEL SHOULD CHANGE AFFAIRS SO SUDDE oh, I see you recognize me? Well, what I suggest is this—I have done duty at all the soda fount- ains in America, from Hudnut's to the city of Mex- ico, for the past ten years, Now, can’t you start a reform, an agitation, as it were, and boycott me, so that—" The editor shook his head sternly and said, “Sorry for you, but I’m afraid I can’t help you. In fact, I'm just a little bit short to-day, and was just wishing one of your fellows would happen along. Here!" he said, as the foreman entered, “here he is!" and he pushed the old veteran into the foreman’s outstretched arms; “take him down stairs with you, locate him at some steady advertisers, lead him, and let's get to press some time before Christmas.” And the faithful old joke went tottering down stairs, feebly muttering, “Crushed again !” Tne rumor that Mr. Tilden desired to purchase a “ suitable yacht" stimulated the sordid English Government to lay instant claim to the recently discovered Noah's Ark. ESOP REVISED. THE KICKER AND THE HOPPER. A KICKER known to the world at large as Studbornus at- tended a strawberry festival one evening at which some grass-hoppers acted in the capacity of brass band. ‘The auditor’ with whose hind legs it is dangerous to meddle, remarking that it would be more proper were the performers called a‘ grass- band,” asked where they obtained their talent for music. “Well,” replied the hop-gatherers, ‘we played croak-ay for several seasons and fed on nothing but dew.”" “Nothing but ‘do’? Well my master is 50 confoundedly poor that I have fed on nothing but ‘do’ all my life. As for croquet I never played that at all. I don’t even know how. Where shall I learn?” * Ask Jupiter.” “Allright. Let us bray!" replied the beast with a sickly smile, as he sought his early grave. The mortem examina- tion showed that he died of bray-in’ fever brought on by an ex- cess of humorousness. Mora: Do not be a mule. J. K. Bancs. Tue silence which reigns in a cornfield well provided with scare-crows—is it not a case of an effect without caws? comicbooks.com