Life, 1883-08-16 · page 13 of 16
Life — August 16, 1883 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Life Magazine Satire: Political Examination This page satirizes late-19th-century American political party loyalty through a mock examination. The text presents absurdist test questions supposedly required to prove fitness for political office or party membership. The satire ridicules: **Republican Party dogmatism**: Questions demand absolute devotion to "the Good Old Party" (the Republican Party), asking candidates to quantify their "affection" in dollars and write tributes regardless of the party's actual failings. **Corrupt patronage system**: The exam mocks how political positions were awarded based on party loyalty rather than competence—note the ship-chandler who knows nothing about ships, suggesting unqualified party loyalists received government jobs. **Moral hypocrisy**: Sections on biblical knowledge and ethics are designed to expose how politicians claimed moral authority while practicing graft, theft, and self-dealing—rewritten commandments permit stealing "if you watch your chance." The cartoon (right) shows well-dressed men crowded uncomfortably in a ship's cabin, illustrating the satirical critique of political discomfort in "that nasty little hole"—suggesting the cramped, corrupt reality behind dignified appearances.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“LIFE: loses both lungs, half his money, and all his friends how much show will he stand for the Presidency ? (g) Add 4 and 8 together, subtract 2, and divide by 1. Let each step be clearly defined, so that the examiners may readily follow. (4) Make a numerical statement in dollars per year of your affection for the Good Old Party. Section IV.—Penmanship—Compose and write, all inside of to minutes, seven poems like Walt Whit- man’s best, and eight chapters of a novel like E. P. Roe's. This is not a literary test, but is simply to in- dicate the rapidity with which you can move the pen. (6) Can you in one word write a comprehensive de- scription ‘of the Democratic party? Is that word “Dead?” (c) Could you, if you sat up all night, begin to write an adequate expression of your regard for the Old, Old Party? Who could? Section V.— Belles Lettres ?—{a) Is anything duller than an English editor, except his readers? 6) Who novelized Daisy Miller? Who dramatized Daisy Mil- ler? Who had better hereafter let Daisy Miller alone ? (ec) Explain the double paradox:—A certain noto- rious ship-Chandler knows nothing about ships, cannot even tell a boat when he sees one, and yet is perfectly familiar with every species of craft known. (¢) (A question in Grammar.) Have you ever been able to decline five dollars? (¢) Name one thing that has given Boston a place among American cities—one thing besides baked beans. (Yes, brown bread is right.) (/) Does it prove that Robin- son Crusoe was a strict churchman because he kept good Friday? (g) Is it true that when two Chicago girls meet in a narrow street that they both take off their shoes, and then finally go back around the block ? (2) How about the Old Party? Section V{.— Biblical knowledge and general moral character—(a) Give, approximately, the number of the Ten Commandments; and state if the following are among them, as they are now generally under- stood: Do not let anybody catch you stealing? Do not covet ; for if the thing can't be had it's a waste of time ; and if it can be had, don’t covet, but just watch your chance, and help yourself. Do not work on the Sabbath Day; you won't get any increase of salary for it. Where you're at work by the job, of course it’s a different matter. Honor your father; you may have to fall back on him yet. (6) Name numerically the verse that stands between the eighth and tenth verses in the shorter catechism. (¢) The Benjamin of Scripture wore a coat of many colors. Mention a modern namesake who does the same. But the pre- vious Benjamin, when it grew uncomfortable at home, packed off for Egypt ; had not the namesake better begin to turn his eye (¢.¢., the one that turns) in the same direction? (d¢) Of how many churches are you amember? (¢) Have you ever been a Sunday-school superintendent, and if so would it be possible for you in the community where you are known to obtain a position of trust and responsibility? (/) Did you \ THE OCEAN STEAMER—No. 7. Wuat! TEN DAYS IN THAT NASTY LITTLE HOLE, Harry? Never! THERE! ever beat your mother? and if not state the circum- stances that caused you to refrain. (g) Sing “Jeru- salem the Golden" carefully, and state the result. (4) Is there any consideration born of Heaven, Earth, or the Lime-kiln below, that would for a moment stand between you and your duty to the Glorious Old Party? Each candidate is expected to answer at least two questions on this paper ; and he is held on his sacred honor to employ only such assistance as shall seem to be the most to his advantage. Ts a season “a son of Neptune?” comicbooks.com