Life — May 31, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THEY COMPROMISE. A’? finally the invitation To the Coronation— Came back to Her Majesty Alexand- rina Victoria, of the United King- dom of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, and the Colonies and De- pendencies thereof, Empress of ndia, Defender of the Faith, etc., etc,, and she remarked in conster- nation : ‘* Bless my soul ! Of the whole Family, including Frederick William, Victor Albert, Albert Wilhelm Heinrich, Joachim Frederick Ernest Waldemar, George _ Frederick Ernest Albert, Ernest Louis Charles Albert. William, Alfred Alexander William Ernest Albert, and the interesting crop of His Royal High: ness Prince Frederick Chris- ian Charles Augustus, of Schleswig. - Holstein - Sonder- burg-Augustenburg, namely, viz, to wit: Christian Vic- toria Albert Ludwig Emest Anton and Albert John Char- les Frederick Alfred George, and all the rest upon the Royal roll, And a score More Whom I do not know, Is n't there a single one to go?” And then George Frederick Alexander Charles Ernest Augustus, K.G., Duke of Cumberland, ex-Knight of Hanover, [bounced,} got off his stool in the north-west corner of the establishment, and made a suggestion that was seconded by a man with ten names and carried unanimously, viva voce, sic itur ad astra, quousque tandem, per capita, He said: * Dar it! Let's send Sir Garnet.” —Puck, FOR IT, Professor, after profound study : THis, SiR, IS A LAUNDRY CHECK. SCRIPTION IS AN ENGL “NO MONEY, NO WASHEE. A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE, ETC. Young Collector : Were 1S A VERY ANCIENT LITTLE PIECE OF CHINESE IVORY EVIDENTLY OF SOME HISTORICAL VALUE, AND I ONLY PAID FORTY DOLLARS CAN YOU TRANSLATE THE INSCRIPTION FOR ME? Tue IN- H ONE WRITTEN IN CHINESE CHARACTERS AND SAYS, Young collector does not sav that he has promised to take two more at the same price tf the dealer can secure them for him. JUDKINS’ BOY. « VERYBODY is allus a-givin’ it to Dudes. News- papers makes fun of ‘em, and artists makes pictures of ‘em; and the only ones in the wide world that's stuck on Dudes is me and the Dudes theirsef, and we love and cherish ‘em with all a parent’s:fond regards. And nobody knows much about Dudes neither, ‘cause they haint been broke out long enough yet to tell jist what the disease is. Some says its softinning of the brains, and others claims it can’t be that, on the grouns they haint got no material for the softinning to work on, &c., &c., till even “ Sientests is puzzled”, as The Good Book says. And if I was agoing to say what ails Dudes I'd have to give it up, er pernounce it a agger- vated case of the Tyfoid-blues, which is my onnest convictions. That's what makes me kindo stand in with ‘em—same as ef they was the under-dog. I am willing to aknollege that Dudes has their weakness, but so has every thing. Even Oscar Wild, ef put to the test ;—and I allus feel sorry for George Washing- ton ‘cause he died ‘fore he got to see Oscar Wild. And then another reason why you oughtent to jump onto Dudes is, they don’t know what's the matter with ‘em any more than us folks in whom they come in daily contack. Dudes all walks and looks in the face like they was on their way to filla engagement with a revolvin’ lady wax-figger in some millener-winder, and had fergot the number of her place of bizzness. Some folks is mean enough to bitterly a-sert that Dudes is strained in their manners and fools from choice ; But they aint. It's a gift—Dudes is Geenuses—that’s what Dudes is. Use Roscoe's patent corset. None other genuine. —Ad. Use Evart’s Porous Plasters for Blaine in the head. —Adv Try Widder Butler’s Soothing Syrup. 25 cents.— Adv. Tue “ Freppie” duelling pistol, safe and reliable— Adv. comicbooks.com