Life — May 31, 1883 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

256 LEAVES FROM THE DIARY OF AN UNDER- GRADUATE. May 17TH. L‘st night I was initiated into the Red Letter Club—nick- named by outsiders ‘* The Dead-Letter Club."’ Father wrote last week, giving his consent to my joining the club, He objects to the Greek letter societies as frivolous and a waste of time; but he cordially approved my entering an association whose object is defined by the constitution—a noble instrament—as ‘the culture of the mind and the matual improvement of the members, socially, intellectually and morally.” The meetings are held at Mrs. Bruno's ale house, a place not as unspotted of the world as the President's lecture room, but very respectable—for an ale house. I was told to report there at 8 P.M, On entering the tap-room I was a little in doubt, as there was no ong there but the usual bar-keeper, with red face and blue moustache. I asked him if this was Mrs. Bruno's, and he answered, with that indirectness which I have noticed in bar- keepers (and which is singularly like the responses in the Greek tragic dialogue): “Wal, Bruno’s the name on the sign-board, I guess."” At this moment Hudson, who is president of the club, heard my voice, and opening an inner door, beckoned me into the snug- gery. All the members were present except Watson, who came in Tate and was fined fifty cents. I signed my name to the consti- tution, and took an iron-clad oath to support it to the bloody end. There were some Babylonish red curtains at the window, which lent a cheerful air to the scene, but my feelings were outraged by the mural decorations—a green and yellow lithograph of the Pro- digal Son and a chromo of the Good Samaritan pouring arnica into the wounds of our man who fell among thieves, Dempster opened the literary exercises by reading an essay on life insurance. He was frequently interrupted by bursts of ap- plause. Impatient and critical spirits soluced themselves during the reading by munching the soothing almond and raisin, But he was followed by Higginson, who told from memory Dr. Quin- cey’s story of the “Spanish Nun,” an affliction which lasted an hour and a half, and which neither sweetmeats nor stimulants could mitigate. A contribution was then read from the Harvard Chapter, of which I obtained a copy. HORATIAN DIALOGUE. 's.—Walter, about your room you often tell, To talk about your pictures never cease ; But in one thing you'll own that I excel— T have a cattle piece. Watter.—Lewis, in vain you try to shake my mind By saying this thing which, you hope, is new. Unreasoning boaster, ignorant and blind, T have one too ! Lewis,—My cattle lie upon a gentle hill, And calmly gaze into the distant west, While the low sun shines on each glistening rill, And sinks to rest. WALTER.—Mine proudly stand upon the mountain turf, ‘And view with wondering eyes the landscape wide, Silently listening to the tumbling surf On far-off ocean side. Lewis.—From this vain striving now let each one cease : This much I own, your cattle piece is fine. WALTER.—Well said, O friend : praise you your cattle piece, And I'll praise mine. The MSS, are filed away in a red box, labelled ‘* Veal Cutlets.” A Hebe with a seéroussé nose then brought in the Welsh rabbits. They were a little too Welsh for me, and were made of what our Sheffield member called “ granulated” cheese. Not wishing to be unfaithful to the traditions of the club, I ate a rabbit anda half, and experienced the most deplorable consequences afterwards. - LIFE: Nor were the entire resources of modern science applied to the ventilation of the oyster pie which followed. Watson informed me that they had once ha roast duck, but the strain on the re- sources of Mrs, Bruno’s cuisine had been awful. The wine was an offence to taste—a North Carolina product known as “ Scup- pernong.”” The members of the club then had the opportunity of enjoying that inestimable privilege—the right of fat ege= in balloting for officers for the ensuing term. he result was announced amid the wildest enthusiasm, and the idols of popular favor received their honors in the customary blushing manner, Finally, after an enlivening song, we put on our hats—unlike the Arabs—and silently stole away. I have written to father for the initiation fee (ten dollars), say- ing that the exercises of the club are of a most profitable charac- ter, and that I feel my mind already greatly improved. ‘THERE was a young man who said, “ There ! I can steal in during this prayer But the shriek of his shoes So pervaded the pe' That he sank in his seat in despair. Leave Washington by Conkling and Platt R. R.— Adi. Usk Robeson’s Anti-Navy Plug Prescription. Cures Sea-sickness.—Adv. Have your political “reputations patched. 25 cents. S. Robeson.—Adv. Go to by the Ingersoll and Hades R. R.— Adv, af comicbooks.com