Life — May 31, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

254 - LIFE DIRECT FROM MOSCOW. COMFORTS OF COOK'S SYSTEM. THE BEGINNING OF THE END. Tue Sun Over THE YARD-ARM. NEW ADVERTISEMENTS, Moscow, May 26, 1883? ~HE Caar is to be crowned to-morrow, the 27th, at eleven o'clock a.m. sharp. I have seen little or nothing of the party of. “tourists” of the Antwerp boat since I have been in Moscow, but the Conductor is with me most of thetime. Nothing has been said by any one to me as yet of the blowing up of the Czar, and I am beginning to hope that the blowing up has blown over. The “Conductor,” my old friend of St. Quentin, London and Antwerp, I have really got to like, and I pleasantly call him ‘“ No. One,” as we sit and play cribbage or. bezique together. Every day after our walk around the city, during which he blends instruction with amusement, it has been our custom to come to my parlor at eleven o'clock a. M. sharp. “NuMBER One,” or the “ Conductor,” looking out. the window, remarks to me with a knowing wink, “ The sun is over the yard-arm,” and as the clock strikes eleven I press the knob of the electric bell, thereby summoning the garcon, who brings two cock-tails. We have been here for ten days now, and it is become a habit with me to press the electric knob at eleven sharp. You know how strong the force of habit is, especially when the yielding to habit always brings a Muscovite Gannymede to the rescue. “Number One” isn’t half a bad fellow after all ; and I am beginning to think that I am the im of a huge practical joke, though, to be sure, it rrying a joke rather far to take a man to Moscow (cf. Joe Miller), To-morrow morning my suspense will be over, as I am certain that it is not intended to blow up the Czar after he is crowned. L’Envol. On the morning of May 27th, 1883, a fair-haired man nervously entered a room in a hotel in Moscow, followed by a singularly tall man, whose boyish, almost child-like face seems to contradict a fierce, determined look in his black and flashing eyes. “ What a motley crowd the coronation attracts, ” said the fair-haired man as he flung himself into a chair and looked gloomily into the fire. “Yes, amotley crowd,” replied the other, smiling and showing his toothless jaw. “ But while the Czar is surrounded by such cohorts of armed men, it seems impossible that any attempt can be made upon his life.” The fair-haired man shivered with the nervous tremor of an Italian grayhound, and hastily drawing his watch from his pocket, glanced at it. “Tt wants two minutes of eleven! Hear, the great band has struck up the Russian national hymn! Do you desire anything of me ?” “Nothing in particular,” answered the other, lan- guidly lighting a cigarette. “ Will you not smoke?” No. ThenI might remind you that the sun is over the yard-arm !”" The fair-haired man arose from his chair and walked towards the electric knob. “The Czar is being crowned,” he said to himself. “And nothing further is required of me?” he asked aloud, staying his hand at the knob. “Nothing further!” “Thank heaven !” He pressed the knob, and breathed a sigh of relief. A tremendous explosion seemed to rend the heavens, and the whole hotel shook. When the trembling ceased, the national hymn was no longer heard, but cries of agony and alarm arose from the city. “What has happened ?” shrieked the unhappy cor- respondent. “The Czar has not been crowned to-day, thanks to you, that is all,” calmly answered the tall man. At this moment a pale waiter rushed into the room. “Bring two vermouth cocktails, and quickly, too,” ordered the tall man, with one of his ghastly smiles. * * * * * * WANTED, a correspondent for this paper in the for- eign capitals. Recompense no object. Apply to the editors of Lire, 1155 Broadway, N. Y. Doran Mix’s Extract of Gospel cures Sleeplessness,— Adv. Wanren.—A second-hand organ and a small monkey, Address Roscoe C., this office. Adv. DR. AUTOCRAT. I NVIDIOUS detractors have asserted that Dr. Autocrat’s immense reputation rested less upon his own merits than upon the song written about him by the late J. Howard Payne, and well and favorably known as Holmes sweet Holmes. That this song had its influence in establishing Dr. Autocrat’s fame is probable, but no competent judge will deny that his position as the world’s champion middle-weight poet 1s one that he holds by virtue of his personal gifts. Dr. Autocrat’s life has been eminently various. He was educated as a physician, but cither in the interest of his professional brethren, or to satisfy his vagrant tastes, he became runner for a boarding-house in Bos- ton, the attractions of which he advertised with an in- genuity which met with deserved success. There is a rumor, too, that he has been on the turf in various capacities, but this, as well as the report that he has told snake stories, is not credited by his friends. Indeed, Dr. Autocrat’s name does not re- quire vindication, and his boldness in accepting the dinner lately given in his honor, by the doctors of New York, is itself a proof that at home his professional standing i is strong enough to stand a perceptible strain. comicbooks.com