Life — May 3, 1883 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

->LIFE- Tuere is a Brooklyn doctor who prescribes-soda-water-for his patients.—Brooklyn Union. It improves their fizz-ique, we suppose. CHaRLEs Moon, of Denver, swallowed a live bullfrog Thurs- day evening, on a wager, drank a glass of whiskey, and said he felt remarkably well.— 7ridune. This isn't so very astonishing. If it were the bull- frog that had swallowed Charles Moon and drank the whiskey, there would have been something in it. RatsinG the wind is an agreeable process, if suc- cessful even to a moderate degree, but when the wind raises you back, as in the case of the Georgia cyclone, it gets monotonous. St. Louis, Mo., April 27th, 11:20 A.M.—alittle boys and 1 pistol. St. Louis, Mo., April 27th, 11:25 A.M.—1 little boy and 1 pistol. Mr. Francis A. Hawkins, of Selma, Alabama, blew down the muzzle of his gun, and the gun reciprocated by blowing up Mr. Hawkins’ muzzle. .The will has been admitted to probate. THE dynamite question seems to be a tempest in a teapot. Irish dynamite has killed nobody yet. It has broken a few panes of glass in the office of the Home Secretary, and that is the sum of Mr. Rossa’s achieve- ments. The skirmishers seem to be more afraid of their own dynamite than are the English. ILLUSTRATED ADVERTISEMENTS. WANTED—TWO WOOD ENGRAVERS, MECHANICAL, —— ——., box —, Philadelphia. THE neck of Miss Minnie Valore, Was in length about seven foot four; She could lean back with you In pew 32 While she whispered in pew 34. Mr. Barnum has imported 30 Nubians, who are to be exhibited as great curiosities froni the fact that “they abhor water for bathing purposes.” Come the Nubians from Limerick or from’ Naples ?—we forget which. SUPERINTENDENT Walling undertook, like Moses, to bluff King Faro last week, but the success of his at- tempt is questioned. Dr. JoHN Witperrorce Kennion, of Christ's Cleft Mission, is propagating the gospel in a way that there may be profit in studying. Dr. Kennion’s rhe- toric is not lofty nor is his erudition vast, nor does his name stand high in evangelical fame. Yet he feeds the hungry and the homeless, and he gathers the ragged and the despised about him and gives them comfort; his rhetoric is hot coffee, and his eloquence is sandwiches, and his text is an invitation for the tramp and outcast to come and eat and drink and forget their physical sorrow. This is a sermon to the point, and when supplemented by a piece of soap, with careful directions as to its use, seems worthy of imitation. LIKELY. «¢ ]F, at General Grant’s death-bed, somebody should say to hi Secession was right,’ and he should respond inco- herently: ‘It is; Iam,’ and the assertion should thereupon be made that General Grant had stultified his whole life and become a Secessionist, the report would be scouted as pre- posterous."—/ndependent. But if, at such a solemn moment, when the General's spirit was quivering on the brink of eternity, and his laboring breath grew weaker, a district telegraph boy carrying a box of cigars and leading a reluctant bull- terrier pup by a string, should force his way through the group of about-to-be mourners and say, “If you be General Grant, these here’s fur you!” we should regard as by no means preposterous the report that the dying soldier’s incoherent answer was, “ They are; I am.” comicbooks.com