Life — May 3, 1883 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tue indefatigable Mrs. Oli- phant has written her 21,093,- 789th novel, and it tells about the “ Wizard’s Son.” Perhaps her next will be called “ Second Sight,” or the “Seventh Son,” or a “Conjuror’s Daughter.” “AsHore with a Florida Sponger”’ is the title of a paper in the May Lippincott's. It is written by Ernest Ingersoll. If the Florida sponger is a worse specimen of the human octopus than the New York sponge, Mr. Ingersoll has our sympathy. BORN SO. In his article in the May number of the Century Mr. James makes some interesting revelations of the working of his spirit in his childhood. It is no less curious than gad to notice how thoroughly, in his case, the boy was the father of the man. ‘There is astriking dearth of aspirates in his juvenile aspira- tions. The very numbers he lisp- ed in were the numbers of Punch and the calves of Leech’s foot- men had for him greater charms than the shapely legs of our own immortal George. Perhaps sometimes we have judged Mr, James harshly : we feel bound to regard his British predilec- tions with broader charity now that we know them to be innate. TRAGEDY. John (who is an antiquary): Eviza, MY DEAR, 1 BOUGHT A BEAUTIFUL MATCH FOR OUR OLD CLAW-FOOT TABLE AT AUCTION TO-DAY. Eliza (who is anti-antiquarian) ; Wuy, JouN, You OLD FOOL, I sent IT UP TO THE AUCTION THIS MORNING TO GET IT OUT OF THE HOQUS! AMENITIES OF HIGH LIFE. THE scene was a rocky elevation in the upper part of New York City, crowned by a crazy collection of shanties, which were, in the vernacular of the neighborhood, ‘' set every way for Sunday.” The approach to the summit of the cliff was not visible, and was doubtless difficult. The sidewalks below were equally invisible. Mr. Bernard Mulcahey, at the foot of the rock, glorious in a high hat, and rejoicing in a black clay pipe, espied Mrs. Norah: O'Flaherty, who was gazing down from the airy height. “The top av the mornin’ to yez, Misthress O'Flaherty,” he remarked, in a strained-honey voice that brought the flies buzzing about him. ‘* It’s a flat I’m lookin’ fur, mim.” “Do yez take me fur a flat, thia, ye bloody Fardowner ?” she replied in a mixed-pickle tone that was strongly suggestive of acetic acid. ‘Say that agin, an’ I'll drop a stun that'll make a flat av yez.”” “It’s mistaken yez are in my intentions, Misthress O'Flaherty. I'm wantin’ to rint a flat, and was atthracted by the ligant apartments up there.” “Be the castle ay me fathers, that shtands in ould Oireland to this day! I'll make yez repint the act av flingin’ mud at a re- spictable woman !"* ‘m not fur flingin’ mud, Misthress O'Flaherty; but fur inspictin’ the apartments, Will I ring the front dure bell, an, will yez sind down a bye in buttons to show me up?” “ Be the ashes av me sainted grandmother, who was one av the O’Shanes av Castle Kilcorra !——" “ Heaven rest her sow! !"’ interrupted Mr. Mulcahey. “If T could git at yez this minnit, I'd knock yer high hat to smithereens !"" ‘*Sure an’ it's a foine, airy location yez have up there, Misth- ress O'Flaherty, an’ it's the hoighth av good health the pigs must enjye, intoirely.”” “Come up, thin, an’ shlape in the shtye, ye thafe av the worruld.” ‘An’ phwat did yez wear to the Vanderbilt ball, Misthress O'Flaherty ?” ‘*Me dimuns an’ me rubies, av coorse.” “It was yer eyes an’ yer nose, thin, Misthress O'Flaherty.” “ Now, Misther Mulcahey, ye flatter me. Jist wait a minnit, thin, I've got a prisint fur yez. “I’ve shtruck the widdy at last,"’ muttered Mulcahey ; but the next moment the present came down in the form of a pail of hot water, and his pipe was broken, and the glory of his high hat was gone, and the air quivered under his imprecations.