Life — March 29, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ASTRONOMICAL. Wife (who has been sitting up for delinquent): ARE you CRAZY? HAVE YOU BEEN GOING ABOUT THE STREETS WITH YOUR UMBRELLA UP THIS STARLIGHT NIGHT? Weary Husband: Tuat's Just iT, DEAR, It’s THE STARS—PERFECT AVALANCHE OF 'EM—COULD N’T DODGE ’EM, SO PUT——UP M’ UMBRELLA. THOUGHT PEOPLE WOULD THINK I WAS INTOXICATED IF I DID N'T. Wife: Iv you pip n't WHat? © Tired” One : Dun no, 8:42 p.M.—The police have unearthed a most im- portant fact. It has been definitely ascertained that the stairs down which Her Majesty slipped were constructed some time ago of Irish oak by Irish arti- sans, and were feloniously polished by the same, no doubt, with criminal intent. Dispatches from Dublin announce that numerous arrests are being made in Galway, Kilkenny, Limerick and Ballywhurroo. The excitement continues. g:o1 p.M.—Bradlaugh, Parnell and Healy deny the al- leged Irish complicity. This of course but makes the case stronger. Granville is summoning a General Congress of the Powers. Marlborough House is guarded with thirteen brigades under command of Lord Alfred Pa- get, and H. R. H. has refused to receive visitors. The Grand Old Man Gladstone is still addressing the House. The excitement is universal, and strong men are weeping. 9:20 Pp. M-—Earl Harcourt has just sent down to the Times office for a proof of his speech urging imme- diate vengeance on the Irish. He fears some typo- - LIFE graphical errors may have crept in. The excitement is beyond belief. Sir Garnet Wolseley has received the thanks of Parliament for his promptness and courage in Trafalgar Square. 9:51 Pp. M.—Liniment and red flannel have just been applied by telegraphic direction of Professor Koch of Berlin. Physicians are arriving every second on special express trains. The excitement grows every minute. 9:55 P. M—As no more physicians can possibly get into the Windsor, the danger of her Majesty's perish- ing for lack of medical attention increases. The ex- citement continues to augment. Arrests in Dublin and Tipperary continue. The Times has just issued Mr. Gladstone’s speech, which covers 43 columns. _It is im- portant that it should be read in full. He said. The speech is omitted for lack of space.—Ed. Lire.] Lonpon, March aust, 8:30 A.M. It is now ascer- tained that her Majesty merely sprained her knee slightly while going down stairs. All arrested persons have been discharged. The Queen is better. H.G.C, PARLIAMENTARY SPORTS. THE Toronto Globe says that it would be a clear 100 millions of dollars in the pockets of the Canadian people if the Dominion Parliament had done nothing but play during the last four years. This idea of a sportive legislative body saving money for its constituents by a round of gayety is an excellent one. Every one knows what a harmless and inexpensive thing a college debating society is. It will spend a whole evening upon the question : “ Resolved, That the action of Madagascar in send- ing ambassadors to this country is ill-advised,” And at the end of the evening no one will be the wiser for the debate or the poorer. But our legislative bodies, who look at the monies in the public treasuries as windfalls, are not satisfied with debates on nice points, but go in for the “Old flag and an appropria- tion. A careless, happy-go-lucky house of representatives, with no power of voting appropriations, would be as harmless and inexpensive as the college debating club. A long and elaborate initiation would add to the fun, and private theatricals and suppers, paid for by assess- ments upon the members, would make the time pass merrily. After a few years of this Merry Parliament, the sub- ject country would be so rich that it might) afford to have a session of an old-fashioned body of practical men. Why not have these three questions asked each member of Congress during the canvass ? 1. Do you believe in the repeal of the silver bill? 2. Do you believe that the tariff is revised ? 3. Are you in for a good time? Tue imposition of a protective duty on pop corn by the Canadian government is clearly with a view to protecting the domestic producer against the popper labor of the United States. comicbooks.com