Life — March 15, 1883 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A DOLEFUL BALLAD. RIGHT MERRILY SET DOWN, I. (Being an epitaph duly recorded in the State of Maine, U. S.A.) “cc Ovk little one to Heaven is gone, And sad and lonely our fate is : She was afflicted with cerebro- Spinal-meningitis."" IL, (Being the addition of a sprightly young lady, greatly pained by the deficiency of rhyme.) “ Twas sad to lose our baby so, But the reflection sweet is, She's gone where there's no cerebro- Spinal-meningitis.” (Explanatory stanza, added by our own professional poet, to ex- plain the cause of the untimely demise.) The doctors stood all in a row ; The tan upon the street is ; They knew it not as cerebro- ‘Spinal-meningitis. Iv. (Second explanatory stanza setting forth the culpable negligence of the medical attendants in not making an accurate diagnosis.) The fell disease that laid her low, Discussed in many a treatise, Is there set down as cerebro- Spinal-meningitis. v. (Third explar:atory stanza, suggesting that perhaps it was the extraordinary rapidity of the progress of the disease which blinded the physicians to the fatal truth.) From Maine to distant Idaho, The telegraph most fleet is; But it’s not as swift as cerebro- Spinal-meningitis. Vi. (Fourth explanatory stanza, supplied without extra charge by our own professional poet, to call the reader's attention casually to the certainty of our ultimate decease and to the possible means whereby we may die.) Death deals to all a final blow ; His ravage most complete is ; He comes disguised as cerebro- Spinal-meningitis. VIL. (Final stanza of suggesting comfort and consolation, all in- cluded in the price.) What's one man’s poison, we all know, Another man’s best meat is; Perhaps some thrive on cerebro- Spinal-meningitis. A. Z. A WoMAN will tell a secret to you, “ because you are different ;” but to nobody else, of course. ‘gilli ey ie “Oh we fell out, I know not why.” —TENNYSON. THe German Soctat Question.—Canst thou take the hook out of the nose of Levi Nathan. WATER IS FATTENING.—That is why the stockholders of Western Union are “bloated.” THE devout six-year-old who prayed, “Good by, Lord, I am going to New Jersey for a fortnight,” evidently knew whereof he petitioned, young as he was. Force or Instinct.—A cat having lost her kittens follows a mutton pie man. HEARTLESS. HE Boston Sunday Herald, of Feb. 18, has the following item: “The physicians of ex-Gov. Head, of New Hampshire, re- port that he is in a critical condition. His friends hope that he will be able soon to take a tropical journey.” A FABLE IN FOUR LINES. The June bug sang its old, old tune, As it settled down on the neck of the Dey; And rare were the oaths he spake—they say. MORAL. And what is so rare as a Dey in June? A “ReTIRING ” girl is like a skilful general—she re- treats to invite an advance on her enemy's part. comicbooks.com