Life, 1883-03-08 · page 12 of 16
Life — March 8, 1883 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Explanation for Modern Readers This page contains two distinct satirical pieces from Life magazine: **"Cold Comfort"** (left): A joke about a wife entering a six-week Lenten religious retreat. She asks her husband to wear a hair shirt (painful religious garment) during her absence—implying the sacrifice is meant to keep him faithful while she's away. The satire mocks both religious excess and marital tension. **"Wallack's Theatre Review"** (right): This viciously mocks a theatrical production of "The Silver King" performed by Mr. Lester Wallack's company of "Cockney Comedians." The review, presented as the actor's own dialogue, savagely critiques the overwrought, melodramatic acting style—the character constantly gets drunk, announces his own emotional states transparently ("I'm a Bad man from Wayback"), and the staging is incompetent (a carpenter designed a scene and "lost his foot rule"). The satire targets both pretentious imported English theatre and ham acting prevalent in that era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Mf hell COLD COMFORT. Religieuse ( going intoa Lenten retreat) to her husband : Goop Byr, JAMES, I SHALL NOT SEE YOU FOR SIX LONG WEEKS ; BUT, AS YOU LOVE ME, PLEASE DO WEAR A HAIR SHIRT DURING LENT ? AT THE PLAY. HEALTH in the perfumed, the burning Chartreuse, — A toast in a rich Pousse Café; To something more rich, more delicious than both, Toa voice that I heard at the play. Thad dined out of sorts at the Brunswick that night, And had thought in a spiritless way, In what place can a man feel so lonesome and blue As alone in a crowd on Broadway ? Out of tune with the music and life—later on, I satin the brilliant parquet, With the curtain and overture hopelessly bad, But each trying hard to seem gay. But sweet as wild roses that slap in your face, And splash you with scent and with spray, And grateful as water to feverish lips, Came that beautiful voice from the play. Oh! only a few to Hesperides go, And carry gold apples away ; There are only a few Cleopatras of song,— There was only that one at the play. A health in the perfumed, the burning Chartreuse, A toast in the rich Pousse Café,— To something more rich, more delicious than both,— Toa voice that I heard at the play. W. T. PETERS. WALLACK'S. "MR. LESTER WALLACK. SoLe IMpoRTER, . . Tue Imported ENcLisH Drama, “THE SILVER KING.” (Written by Messrs. Henry A. Jones and Henry Herman.) Will be performed by Mr. Wallack’s Imported Company of Cockney Comedians. ACT I. Scene 1.—Skittle Alley of ‘* The Wheatsheaf,” Clerkenwell, HE Importep Mr. Osmonp TEARLE ENTERING R, U E.—The American actors are a lot of hamfatters, that’s what they are. And I’m drunk, J'm very drunk, that’s what I am ! Gees a drink.) I've been tothe The Derby, and I've bet my bottom dollar, and I'm dead broke, and I'm pretty nearly dead drunk. [7akes a drink.) I'ma Prodi- gal Son, 1am! I'm an Idle Appren- tice, Iam! I'm on the Road to Ruin, Tam! [Takes adrink.] Here comes my wife. She's going to talk about my Highly Intelligent Kids, and say, «Father, dear Father, come home with me now.” But I won't go. [Zakes a drink.) I won't go home. I'll go and kill that man eho insulted my wife. (Zater @ drink.) I'ma Bad man from Wayback when I’m drunk, and you can just bet I'm drunk now! Til go kill him. [7akes @ drink and then takes his leave.) Scene 1I.—Clerkenwell Close. Tue IMporRTED MR.OSMONDTEARLE (¢0 the audience.)—I'm not on in this scene. It’s only a carpenter's scene, anyhow—just to fill up five minutes while they are getting the next act ready. This scene looks as if it was pened by a carpenter doesn’t ii and he lost his foot rule, so he had to leave out all his per- spective. Scene I11,+-114 Hatton Gardens. THE IMporTED Mr. OsMonD TEARLE [entering door L. C. in flat.}—There are bur- glars here. Reform is necessary, and so they chloroform me. Then they shoot the man I came to kill. Then they go away. Then I wake up and come toand I’m drunk still, Then I find the cold corpse, and I get sober in a hurry, and I think I've killed him and I do some very fine acting. [ The cur- tain comes down and there is great applause. The Imported Mr. Osmond Tearle is called before the curtain.] comicbooks.com