Life — February 22, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE animal in this way the Reverend Doctor, we think, ought to have held himself estopped from regretting an unchristian display of temper. Under the circum- stances none but a book agent could with propriety have turned the other cheek. A SOCIAL MYSTIC. THE Evening Post seems to derive much satisfac- tion from:a series of social articles which it is publishing, and which are calculated to bewilder the humble searcher after social truth. For instance, in a treatise upon the opera-hat, it is laid down that the fashion has been started in England of bringing to balls and parties, instead of a crush hat, “the ordinary tall black hat which is known among gentlemen as a beaver, among others as a ‘silk hat.’ There is a sub- tlety about this “others " which is calculated to divert the superficial observer from the study of social philosphy to admiration of the wit of the social phi- losopher. But when one bends his mind to it, he dis- covers that “ gentlemen” are in the habit of describing silk hats as beavers, while “ others” are in the habit of describing silk hats as silk hats. A verbal representa- tion of an imitation as the genuine article is there alleged to be a distinguishing practice of gentlemen. This is confusing, since the searcher may suppose that the principles upon which the nomenclature of hats pro- ceeds were laid down by Yellowplush in his celebrated letter to Bulwer: “ You may call a coronet a ‘cor- onal,’. if you like, ‘an ancestral coronal,’ just as you might call a hat ‘swart sombrero,’ a ‘ glossy four and nine,’ ‘a silken helm, to storm imperme- able and lightsome as the breezy gossamer,’ but in the long run it is well to call it a hat. It és a hat; and that name is quite as poetical as an- other.” If it is poetical to call a hat a hat, why is it ungentlemanlike to call a silk hat a silk hat? Why must one describe his hat in inaccurate and inflated terms in order to escape the imputation of being an “other”? These things are too high for us ; we can- not attain unto them. Neither can we attain to other manners and customs which are described as possible among gentlemen. The “cad,” it appears “ can carry a stiff hat, and if gentlemen, in terror of him were to band together and come to parties provided not only with a beaver, but with an umbrella, overcoat and arctics besides"—the “cad” would still imi- tate them. This is more confusing than the other. How many “gentlemen” are to band together for the provision of 1 “beaver,” 1 umbrella, 1 over- coat, and an unspecified number of arctics? And while one (1) gentleman is wearing the beaver and the umbrella and the overcoat, what are the other gentle- men to wear? And how is it to be determined, on the decision of any particular party, which gentleman is to sport these insignia of his social rank? Vistas and abysses of mystery open before us, from which we can only lay firm hold of and extract this enrichment of the dictionary :—GeNTLEMAN.—The joint and several tenant of a silk hat, who calls it a beaver. RALEIGH AND QUEEN ELIZABETH. As Queen Elizabeth, attended by Sir Walter Raleigh and a retinue of gilded courtiers, was one day walking through the streets of London, she came to a particular- ly muddy spot,which she hesitated to cross. Raleigh was about to throw down his cloak before her in order that she might cross dryshod, when he reflected that it was of costly velvet lavishly ornamented with old lace, and so would infallibly be spoiled. Accordingly, with great presence of mind he whispered loudly to Sir Christo- pher Hatton that he had always contended, and would with his heart’s blood maintain that Her Majesty had the smallest feet and neatest ankles in the world, and that the calumnious report that she wore elevens was a malignant invention of the Spanish Court. Nor did the ruse fail of its effect, as the Virgin Queen lifting her royal skirts with almost exaggerated enthusiasm went through the puddle with characteristic resolution, and halting on the farther side shook her sceptre un- der the nose of the Spanish ambassador, demanding of the astonished diplomat with a royal oath: “ Are they elevens, you Romish dog? Are they elevens ?” G. T. L, Marrons déguis¢es—Old stories dressed up anew. Marrons glac¢es.—Old stories coldly received. comicbooks.com