Life — January 11, 1883 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

States. Pale-lipped citizens of Independence City ask each other ** Whom can we trust now?” The bank isin the hands of a Receiver. . . REVISED ANECDOTES. MAHOMET AND THE MOUNTAIN. HE prophet Mahomet, having engaged in some conscientious practical researches into the nature of intoxicating beverages, in order to decide whether or not their use should be permitted to orthodox Mus- sulmans, felt a strong desire to go to a neighboring mountain, and sleep it off in a cool and shady glen. His legs, however, refusing their office, the Prophet philosophically lay down on the side-walk, with the remark, “If Mahomet ishn’t able to go to the moun- tain, becaush mountain goes round and round, Ma- homet had better lie down and let the mountain come to him.” Upon re- covering, the Prophet put on his favorite night-cap made of the hair of the dog that had bitten him, and composed the well- known chapter of the Koran entitled, “ The Snakes,” in which the use of wine is forbidden to all true be- lievers. - LIFE: McPherson, thinking he recognized his Brother-in- Law in front of him, has just muttered in the stranger's ear, “I SHOULD KNOW YOU WERE AN IDIOT FROM THE SHAPE OF YOUR HEAD.” BALLIOL AND THE ANT. TH E Scottish patriot Balliol, having concealed him- self in a cave, the better to study the natural history of some of King Edward's men-at-arms and royal bloodhounds, became interested in the move- ments of an ant which had secured a grain of corn much larger than itself, and was endeavoring to con- vey its prize to the nest. Sixty and nine times the lit- tle insect failed in its arduous task, but so far from being discouraged it attempted it yet a seventieth time, and failed again. “I see,” said Balliol to himself, “that people can spare themselves a great deal of bother by finding out early in the day what it is they can’t do,” and hastening to Berwick he made his sub- mission to King Edward, by whom he was loaded with honors and chains. (A garbled version of this anec- dote is told of Bruce, but both stories repose on the manifestly absurd theory that the canny Scot would have wasted his time watching the ant when he might just as well have taken the grain of corn.) G.T.L. ‘Tue petroleum brokers know how the Forty Spec- ulators felt when Ali Baba’s slave unloaded some oil upon them. comicbooks.com