Judge — August 4, 1928 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

as Albany when he was taken with it. Incidentally, I guess you didn't know that it was Uncle Harvey who invented all those | popular sayings about the toucan | —"Toucan live as cheaply “Toucan | at that 7 Tt takes toucan rel,” and many others equ After that Uncle Harvey went to Hollywood and became chief carpenter on the sets. He got aid off, though, for being too temperamental. making scenes. And now that brings us up at last to the portable portholes. I guess you were getting pretty worried. Well, sir, that’s wh. Uncle Harvey wants to do now He was always invent portable portholes. We have portable typewriters, ‘he ar- gucs—why not portable port- holes? And indeed, why not? Everyone knows that on a ship the porthole conveys fresh air to passengers in’ their staterooms. Well, with portable portholes, the passengers could carry them right along with them and have fresh air wherever they went—even up on deck. This latter would be a great advantage over the old w as, with the present system, a the air up on deck is generally pretty salty. Of course, Uncle Harvey has considered’ every phase ‘of the proposition, realiz~ ing that the matter of export would be of great import, and that during a dull season the de- mand for portable portholes might possibly get so low that he would have to manufacture twice as many of the darn things in t as short a time to make any profit at all. bout portable portholes, I can't think up any more cracks about them, but they were a nifty idea while they lasted. You may have gathered from most of the that Uncle Harvey is a materialist This is not so, and to prove it I'll tell you about his poctry. Once when he was coming home from market he dropped out a piece of cheese that Aunt Abner had told him to buy, and when he went to look for it he couldn't find it, and he felt so bad about it that when he got home he wrote a very whimsical little poetry piece about the incident, which he later set to music. It was called “The Lost Curd.” Well, maybe you wouldn't believe it, but that little bit of above crass sentiment among the home folks th Harvey decided to take it and get it published. he took it. the man been,” and that w that. Where the Bell System’s profit goes An Advertisement of the American Telephone and Telegraph Company Tuere is in effect but one profit paid by the Bell Tele- phone System. This profit is S&, not large, for it is the policy of the Bell System to furnish a con- stantly improving telephone service at the least cost to the public. The treasury of the American Tele- phone and Telegraph Company re- ceives dividends from the stock of the operating companies. It receives a payment from the operating com- panies for research, engineering and staff work. It receives dividends from the Western Electric Company— makers of supplies for the Bell Sys- tem—and income from long distance operations. & Only one profit is taken from this money in the Amer- ican Telephone and Telegraph Company’s treasury. That is the regular dividend to its stock- holders—now more than 420,000 in number—which it has never missed paying since its incorporation in 1886. Money beyond regular dividend requirements and a surplus for financial stability is used to give more and better telephone service to the public. This is fundamental in the policy of the company. The Bell System accepts its respon- sibility to provide a nation-wide tele- phone service as a public trust. heeame so popular Uncle So he did—that is, he it turned out ut when he said to the Je it up out of my ; id right back fast, h, you certainly must have as the end of Well, this is the end of this, too, for the time being, except that I just nt to remark in closing that this is certainly onc swell way to work off a bunch of rejected cracks, as the editor him- self will corroborate. —Jaguira P. S.—The editor says not to get fresh and that I may quote him as follows: “This is certainly one way to work off a lot of re- jected cracks.” 27 comicbooks.com