Judge — February 25, 1928 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“TousE v DOCTORS call it “Pedestria” | that “‘run-down condition" GOOD SMARYTAN TONIC will put you on your feet imme- diately as it contains 98% alcohol. Start taking it today and you'll be able to leap over automobiles without effort! Solution to Last Week's Puzzle [RIVIMIOIRTS] Onn (UMAINIA] tS] rama LARGE EVENINGS High Lights of the Bright Lights By Juvc RECEIVE a great many letters I which run something like this. “Dear Judgette: A Girl friend of mine gets in town the end of the week and I want to give her a swell time. Being a young lady about town you ought to be able to give me a girl’s eye view of a large evening. Will you?—Anxious.” Which is rather a large order! It all depends on what kind of a maiden Anxious’ sweetie is! If she’s from Mawr and bruises easily I would est Evening No. 1. If she’s used te Yale proms and her own local night clubs Evening No. 2 i fe bet. If she’s a good sport and in’ to go try her on No, 3! 1f Anxious is in a little doubt himself about the girl friend and she’s going to be here a few days he might start her on No. 1 and work up! That sa millionaire! Evening No. 1. Starting out for dinner we (Anxious and his sweetie) either the Mirilton or Passy. These are both very good places, not too High Hat but your own mother would love them, and the food is above reproach, From there we go to see Rosalie or The Connecticut’ Yankee. Afterwards to the Ambassador Grill or if you feel real giddy by this time Montmartre or the Mirador. This evening is strictly unalcoholic, so by three o'clock you will be ready to go >. 1 will set you back about y-five dollars. Evening No. 2 Niter a brief stop rE in one of those perfectly proper speak- casies (oh, yes, there are those things! ) we try the Lafayette or the Brevoort, or if you don’t want to go way down- town, Voison or the Crillon. At any of these places you will partake of a delicious dinner. Then to Burlesque, Paris Bound or The Royal Family. All knockout shows. Afterwards an- other brief stop for a drink, or if ‘ve brought a flask, straight to where you will have a wonder- ful time, After three stop in at Reu- ben's for Chili or Child’s for an oyster stew. If you're a hound on oyster stews take a run over to the Grand Central Station to the oyster bar. Evening No. 2 will run to about forty- five dollars. (These figures do not include taxi fares.) Evening No. 3. Start in as early as possible, or you'll miss the show, at orite speake: About nine- y a dash for Funny Face or Good } Afterwards to your next favorite speakeasy to get bol- stered up for the long night ahead. About one-thirty drop in at Barney's and if you can drag yourself away up to the Parody where you will see the funniest man in New York. From there to the Dizzy club, if you can get in. If you le there before eight you will be considered a quitter. If you haven't eaten by this time stop at Child's. If you get through Evening No. 3 for less than seventy-five dol- lars you're a Scotchman! TWELVE QUESTIONS (Ansteers ceil be found on Page 108) 1. What great General is buried in Grant's Tomb? 2. What two countries were in- volved in the Spanish-American War? 3. What weekly magazine that sells for a nickel is full of dandy articles and stories? (Not the Saturday Eve- ning Post.) 4. What make, of automobile is . called a Lizzie? 5. Who is the United States? President of the 6. Who was the last one? 33 7. Spell Idiosyncrasy. 8. If a man has twenty dollars and gives ten to his wife, two to his daugh- ter, one to his son at Yale, and one to his bootlegger, how many will he have left? (This is not a wheeze.) 9. What country borders on the United States at the North? 10. What is its principal export? (This is a joke.) 11. Who wrote Longfellow’s “Hia- watha"’? 12. What is the funniest magazine in the world? (Not Liberty.) TOWsnD LANGEE PRIBTING CO, ING, JAMAICA, NT comicbooks.com