Judge — February 18, 1928 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Opportunist—Dang it, Bill, how much longer have I gotta wait for that ten Famous Greeks Hercules and the Hydrant once upon a time there was a chap named hercules and he lived in thebes and his fathers name was juniper gce uncle jack juniper was everybodys father he was some god hush ethel so uncle jack can continue with the yarn and juno the queen of the gods was sore on baby hercules and instead of sending him a porridge bowl and a baby pusher she sent him two large serpents for him to play with and maybe the kid wasnt surprised when he untied the package “and heard the cute rattlers and he promptly choked them to death and had a nice bill folder made of their skins and when baby hercules grew up and graduated from cadmus high he matriculated at mycenae tech and was the strong- est man in a class of 340 and a dirty sophmore named eurys- theus made his freshman year miserable and made him use up all his cuts and go and kill the bucks you owe me? nemean lion and this lion was in the habit of eating several people every day as an hors doeuvre and the sophs made hercules go after him or they wouldnt take him into delpha chi and so her- cules drove the lion into a cave and came out with his hide and maybe the sophmores werent sur- prised when herkie showed up on the campus wearing a varsity lion skin and no freshman cap and curysthcus was. still mean and said come on class and get this guy rah rah rah yeah 27 and sent him after the nine headed hydrant and this was a tough assignment and every time any- one had tried cutting a head off two had taken its place and her- cules had gotten high marks in advanced algebra and he figured out that in this case two heads would be worse than one and so each time he cut off a head he burned the neck with his dunhill lighter and soon had the hydrant in the gym dead and the sophs were wild and said who is this fresh guy and where did he prep and why dont he’ go out for var- sity wrestling and sent him after the stag with golden horns that lived in arcadia on a small farm and had brass feet and could run so fast that hercules had to chase it for a whole year and had to take so many cuts that he almost flunked out and the dirty sophs even gave him brass polish and a yag and made him shine the stags feet and anyway he got his numerals for cross country out of it and the president of the soph- more class said say uncle and get the boar that roams the slopes of mount holyoke and he did that and instead of taking him into the fraternity they gave him a shovel and said the augean stables for yours and now bed kids or Id tell you more about the initiation into delpha chi and the other hazing of this poor freshman but that will come to- morrow night if you hit the hay like little gobs. —Jacx Ciuetr