Judge, 1927-12-17 · page 9 of 36
Judge — December 17, 1927 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Boids and Beasties: Judge Magazine Satire This page satirizes the absurdity of keeping whales as pets—a ridiculous premise that anchors multiple joke advertisements. Written under the fictional authority of "Dr. Theophrastus Seuss" (an early pen name of Dr. Seuss), it mocks the era's fad culture and consumer excess. The satire includes: **"Is Your Whale Grouchy?"** — Parodies pet-care advice columns, offering thyroid treatment and California vacation "kennels" for depressed whales, absurdly treating massive sea creatures like house pets. **"Hieronomos Is Drunk Again!"** — A supposed neighbor's drunken whale that climbs trees, mocking both pet anecdotes and urban eccentricity. **"Paul Jerman's First Whale"** — Spoofs fraternity initiation stories by claiming the prank involved capturing a 50-foot whale with a hat pin. **Fake advertisements** for whale shops and rifle-range-trained whales complete the mock-earnest tone. The humor relies on readers recognizing the complete implausibility of whale domestication while the text maintains a straight, advice-column voice.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
(9° BONDS AND BEAST (A Department for Indefatigable Naturalists, Con- ducted by the Eminent Dr, Theophrastus Seuss.) Is Your Whale Grouchy? Did you ever bring a guest home just to show off your whale before him, and then have your whale refuse to come through? Has your whale circles under his eyes? Does he sulk in his bowl? Is there an unpleasant droop to the corner of his mouth? If so, he probably is suffering from hypertrophy of the thyroid and NEEDS A CHANGE! Why not send him to the Kiski Farms Whale Kennels for our special thyroid treatment and a few weeks vacation in our delightful California climate! We specialize in New York Whales. Rates Reasonable. Write for catalogue to Dr. Kiski, Ph. W. Box 35, Los Angeles, California.—(Advt.) “Hieronomos Is Drunk Again!” When this cry is heard echoing up and down our block, everyone runs out to see the fun. It means that Mr. Willis’s whale, Hieronomo, has been at the bottle once more. And when Hieronomo gets buzzed, he always takes to the tall catalpa tree in the front garden. What a spectacle this is!—especially when Hieronomo passes out up there, on which occasions Mr. Willis has to call . consultation of engineers to superintend '.'s taking lown. Don’t Let the Shooting Galleries Bleed You! LET US HELP YOU, MR. MARKSMAN! Send $500 to the Daisy Whale Shoppe, New York City, and we will ship you (post prepaid) a model 3-B Jumbo Paul Jerman’s First Whale “Nowadays,” writes Paul Jerman, the well-known architect, “a fraternity initiation is nothing at all. But back in ’25 when I went to Dartmouth, the pranks the lads played were pranks for fair. How well I remem- ber the night they made me a Psi Kappa Phi. They sent me and another neophyte down to New Bedford with a collapsible boat and a hat pin. ‘Bring back a fifty- foot whale by to-morrow,’ they said. And I am glad that we did it, for it taught me ever so much about whales that otherwise I probably would never have learned.” Whale, whose spout is especially trained for rifle range service. $500 may seem a lot, but in the long run you will find it a very great saving. No Whales sent on approval.—(Advt.) comicbooks.com