Judge — December 17, 1927 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE WANTED—A REAL PAL Well, my little feathered friends, before I break into the routine I should li to em- broider today’s text with a little quotation from the works of the immortal Bard of Avon (Harry Richman) which read what as follows: than a have a some- “How sharper thankless snake it is to toothless child!” And now, if the ushers will kindly lock the doors and pour kero- sene over the audience, I think I can supply a match. Well, once upon a time the was a young bird by the name of Frisbie, but his misfortunes did not end there. This Frisbie ef- fect had a pan (or kisser, to use the more refined term) which made Medusa look like Fay Lamphier. The best you could ,say of him was that he had a determined chin, because nothing else about his face was deter- mined. One ear pointed north and south, while the other was westbound. His hair was curly, but it curled the wrong way— forward. He could have used his nose for a baling-hook; it had more curves in it than Walter By S. J. PERELMAN fast ball. His eyes were the kind that are not being worn this winter; they were bleary blue and gave Frisbie that permanent hangover look. And to top it all off, his first name was Paul. But Paul was what the gals call “a brainy chap” and “seri- ous-minded. And no wonder; anybody would seem serious in st with a pan that was y being funny. Any- isbie had got to the age where he had laid by a_ little sugar in the bank and he had de- cided to annex just a cottage small by a waterfall and a Cheery Helpmate. So one lovely day Paul shagged himself into a matrimonial bureau, paid down nd took home a flock nd addresses of vari- ous willing sacrifices on the altar of matrimony He looked them over and finally selected one. She had the good reliable name of Doris Monk and her record said she was an inhabitant of Dayton, Oh nd had no bad habits. Johnson's She was a home girl and not one of these here fly gad- abouts who dance till dawn. What she wanted was a clean-cut young man with prospects who could be a Real Pal and she was willing to start in by living on the cighth floor of a walk-up if John thought he had a_ future, The picture showed what Barrie would call “a winsome miss” with come-on cyes and one of those smiles that just crawled with s. a. So nl went around the block and showed his pan to a photog- rapher. The latter took one good look and was about to hide his camera when Paul flashed a crisp bill. Fifteen minutes later the photographer had Paul tied in a chair and three dim lights play- ing on him, When Paul un- wrapped the pictures a week later he realized what an artist the man really was. They had been taken through cheesecloth or a gunny-sack or a heavy fog or something, so that Paul looked exactly like Ramon Novarro just before the fadeouts. Paul stuck the pictures in a letter and vitited. (Continued on page 29) comicbooks.com