Judge — September 17, 1927 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL NUMBER A Little Heart-to-Heart Talk ELL, girls, now that ih Y, Y the men have gone YY] inte the billiard. room to smoke their rich cheroots over the port wine and tell scrimy stories, let’s have a plain little chat about several important matters I’ve had on my mind for some time. I've been worried about you girls and I feel it’s high time to speak to you. What’s the matter with you, anyway? Don’t you think it’s worth while to spend a little time on your- selves? You, Irma, and you, Elizabeth, I mean. Look at that big charcoal smudge on your chin, Irma. Don’t you know that if you just rub it vigor- ously with a good brand of laundry soap and a piece of chamois it’s BOUND to disap- pear? I’ve seen it on your face at the last three dinner parties we've been to and personally I think people are beginning to whisper. No, don’t try to tell me it’s a birthmark; I’m in no mood for jest. And you, Elizabeth. Don’t try to crawl behind that buf- fet, you slob, you. How long are you going to come to our little dinners with that piece of honey-dew melon clinging to your cheek? New Paris fad, eh! Perhaps you'll think me old fashioned, but when I was a débutante Ward Mac- Allister used to say that any girl who came to a party looking like a fruit cocktail had better stay home and fry her ears in deep fat. Oh, I KNOW what you'll say: you’ve been too busy shopping and pruning your peach trees to spend a little time on your cheek. . What? No, you know very well it ISN’T another piece of melon; it’s the same one and don’t LIE about it; I hate LIARS. I really dislike to mention this next thing, but I feel I’ve got to tell you for your own good. You know, Joan —yes, you, Joan, don’t try to hide your embarrassment by shoving that whole banana in your mouth—you know, cer- tain people have been saying unkind Gladys Giapys PERELMAN Perelman, the well-known park, things about your habit of stowing away chicken bones in your vanity case during dinner. Understand me, I love dogs as much as you do, dear Joan, and I think they’re man’s best friend and woman’s, too, for that matter, but it looks sort of smeary to carry Prince’s lunch around with you all eve- ning. Why don’t you have the butcher deliver some meat scrap to your apart- ment every morning instead? Besides, if any of your rouge should get on the chicken bones it might be serious for faithful old Prince. Merely a sugges- tion. And last of all, you, Annabelle Foley. I’ve known you since you were a child and I used to daudle you on my knee, ‘o I feel I have a right to speak plainly with you. That irritating trick of mix- ing the coffee with the soup, adding salt, pepper and mustard, and then try- ing to wrap the result in your napkin has simply GOT to cease. And if you think you can get away with it by being thought eccentric, you’re mis- taken. PLEASE don’t do that any more, child; it gets me all aquiver. I guess I’m sensitive or something, but it’s the way I’ve been brought up, and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Well, here come the men and I hear 14 . h _ newspaper woman and Lucy Stoner, taking a siesta in the the orchestra tuning up, so bear in mind what I’ve said, girls, and don’t forgét that men no- tice these little things, and when you’re as old as I am you'll thank me for steering you right. Now run along and have a good time; I think I'll have another helping of bean soup. Questions and eAnswers Question—What removes gin spots from the dress? Answer—Take off the dress, but not until you get home, and boil it thoroughly in vinegar and water. Add salt and pep- per to season. Run through a nger and slice in long, thin strips. Serve with water-cress. Question—What can I do with s old derby hats? ut into small pieces. Run through meat chopper. Season well and serve on toast as caviar. If the der- bies are brown, use as anchovies. Question—Is it good form to wear green tights at a recep- tion? Answer—Not unless a white flower adorns the left shoulder. Question—How can I remove rouge from my boy friend’s cheeks? Answer—Scrub him well with Lux and a stiff brush. Wipe the face thor- oughly and go over briskly with sand- paper. Question—Is it considered a faux pas to drink champagne out of a bottle? Answer—H—ll, no! Question—What can I do with old champagne corks? Answer—Break them into small par- ticles and serve to your husband for breakfast as Grape Nuts. This diet will keep any husband afloat. Question—What would you suggest wearing to a débutante dance? Answer—A football suit is just the thing, but be sure to include nose and shin guards. It might also be a good idea to carry a referee’s whistle. £2 U comicbooks.com