Judge — July 2, 1927 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE HOW TO MAKE LOVE By S. J. Perelman Ninth Lesson Unfortunate though it may seem, it is nevertheless a fact that a good many married men get tired of staring into the same old kisser every morning over the scrambled eggs and chicory. In desperation the unhappy hubby turns to the blonde fluff who pounds the Remington in the outer office or the trim pullet who pretties up his nails. ‘This is called MARRIED MAN LOVE and furnishes our text today In the left-hand picture we see Perry Fishback, president of the ishback Footfault Company, and Rachel Snood, his confidential secretary. Rachel is one of those old-fashioned girls whose motto is “Rags is riches when worn for virtue’s sake” and who looks simply darling in a white shirt- waist and cotton stockings. Perry, in the midst of giving dictation, has flung himself on his knees be- fore Rachel and is giving her a fast line about what an awful dog Mrs. Fishback is and how he sees the love-light gleaming in the Snood ey Rachel, who wouldn’t mind lunging at a hot lobster while champagne gurgles_ into one of those thin-stemmed glasses, pulls the coy act entitled Hush, Perry, Remember You're a Mar- ried Man, “Oh, shucks!” retorts Perry, adjusting his toupee, “We're only my gazelle In the right-hand picture the erring Fishback and Rachel are shown some time later, hugging in a park. He has just told her that Mrs. Fishback has gone to Ar- verne for the day with the milk- man; but the suspicious wife has followed her spouse and now pre- pares to confront him. In her right hand she holds an umbrella or bumbershoot, which she will shortly wrap around Perry’s neck like a lavalliére. Rachel, un- aware that her dreams of Ko- linsky coats and Pedemode shoes will be waved away by an ordi- nary parasol, nestles in Perry’s young once, Rachel, $s and swallows the saccharine Oh, what a cruel awaken Soon the tabloids will ery FIN ANCIER FISHBACK - DLED STENOG, AS RTS INDIG> T MRS. PERRY, as the sob sisters unleash their Coronas in court and another romance takes the count. Mar- ried men will do well to see the obvious lesson and to confine their hugging to isolated places like hotel lobbies or railroad ter- minals instead of parks. Neat week! The last of this revealing series, “What Katy Found Under Her Bed”! Chock- full of rich humor; packed with laughs! Look for it! The Modern Rip Rip kissed his wife good-by, and as he started up the gentle hill the first streaks of dawn were tinging the Eastern sky. For a while his young wife watched him as he slowly plodded along, and then she shut the door and went back to her slumbers. About an hour later she was kened by the milkman, so she decided to get herself a bit of breakfast and tidy up the house. Thus a day passed as she busied herself with pleasant domestic duties. A week passed. Still her husband did not come. Time exacted its toll and the beautiful young girl grew old. Her golden hair was streaked with silver, and one y as she stood by the doorway she made out the shambling figure of a tattered octogenarian slowly com- ing up the driveway. “So you got home at 1 she id. “Tell. me—w you do it in?” “I went around in a hundred and twenty,” whcezed the old man, who had just come home from the public golf course. —Cyrano st, Rip,” at did JIM BRING ME. SOME NEW STORIES BEGGED THE, ORUMMERS ‘WIFE Give this big flash from the recent Elks’ banquet a hand, boys. “You were talking in your sleep last night, dog- face,” chided Mrs. Hen- peck. “Was 1?” retorted her nervous little swain, “Forgive me for interrupting you, rickets!” Married life is not always beer and skittles. comicbooks.com