Judge — March 5, 1927 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE DEMMED FINE.ANKLE THAT GAL HAS, MUSED. THE GAY ROUNDER - LOTTA,A NIFTY Here is a cheap thrill we picked up in a beer garden over in Hoboken. A bird was anzious to throw off the marital bonds and went to alawyer. “Now then, Flowers,” said the legal gent, “what do you want a divorce for?” “Well, Mr. Melrose,” re- plied the lout after much thought, “for about fifteen dollars, I should say!” Small wonder that lawyers’ families have to beg their bread. Evolution The boy who could never stay quiet became a floor-walker. The boy who used to perform autopsies on frogs became a great surgeon. The boy who always wasted his time in the Old Swimming Hole swam oceans and channels. The boy who was cross-eyed became a prosperous screen come- dian, The boy who used to climb the apple trees became a well-known steeple-jack But the boy who was always grumbling, who was never con- tented with anything—he grew up and became a dramatic critic. —Cyrano Outlines The great publisher sorely needed a best seller. Competitive firms had made conspicuous s ces with new books, but his company’s balance sheet had been falling off badly. Suddenly an idea struck him. He would publish another Out- line! “Larkin,” he called to his assistant, “how about The Out- line of Chiropody?” “Been done,” said Larkin, try- ing to make a liability look like an asset. “Well then, we might do The Outline of Barbering or The Out- line of Swedish Calisthenics.” “Nope. Hastings got them out Jast week.” “How about The Outline of In- sect Extermination or The Out- line of Face Massaging?” “Just been published.” A silence fell over the room as both brains concentrated on the problem. Suddenly Larkin jumped up, a gleam of triumph in his eyes. “I’ve got it!” he shouted. “What is it?” asked the boss. “THE OUTLINE OF OUT- LINES!” shouted Larkin. “Great! Tell the cashier to add five ‘dollars a week to your salary and sit down and write it.” And that is how the best seller of 1927 was born. —A.L. L. eta Lawyer’s Son—Say, Pop—we’ve got to write a composi- tion about the law of gravity—when was the darned law passed? 4 prensa | | | comicbooks.com