Judge, 1927-01-22 · page 5 of 36
Judge — January 22, 1927 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "A College Humorous Story for Humorous College Boys" This satirical piece mocks college drinking culture, specifically a competitive drinking competition between rival college teams: "Three Star College" and "Green River." The illustration shows a woman tending to an injured male athlete, suggesting the physical toll of the match. The humor derives from the absurdity of the scenario: tank wagons dispensing alcohol, players being "revived with the aid of black coffee and ice bags," and enormous quantities consumed (2,356 versus 2,348 drinks). The satire targets both collegiate athletic excess and Prohibition-era contradictions—the piece appears to ridicule how colleges normalized heavy drinking despite legal restrictions. The "hard-drinking team from the West" reference suggests regional rivalry stereotypes. The overall tone satirizes college athletics culture as dangerously unsustainable.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE ca Eo is SN eee) nat i] Three Star College stood at their end of the field. Facing them, about fort ds away, stood the members of Green River's Varsity Bitterness marked this tilt. Three Star’s Drinking Team had won six times. Green River also had half a dozen victories to her credit. To- day’s match would decide which of the ancient seats of learning was to retain the permanent trophy—a beautiful mahogany bar, lavishly decorated with a fourteen carat gold brass rail, beer stains, platinum cuspidors and a genuine fly-specked mirror of the Early Alcoholic or Pre- volsteadian period. Tank wagons rolled out on the field and discharged Scotch into large storage tanks. Pipe lines ran from these to small barrels. Like demons, the members of the op- posing teams drained their glasses which had been dipped _ CA (College FJumorous «Story , jor [fumorous into the hogsheads. Sturdy warriors reeled and were carried off the field to the dressing-rooms where they were partially revived with the aid of black coffee and ice bags. Thousands of in the great stadium were glued on the contenders. (Huge pots of glue graced every aisle for this purpose.) Fair co-eds shrieked — shrill Strong men turned away as exhortations. players were carried off the field. Never had the historic bowl witnessed such a drinking bout! At the end of the third quarter the score stood: Three Si 2,356 drinks, while Green ‘as a close second with 2,348 drinks to her discredit. When the whistle blew for the last quarter every Three Star warrior lifted his glass, deter- mined to drink his Alma Mater to victory or develop delirium tremens at his post. One by one the members of the op- posing teams had been carried off and now only H. Dewey Gilch, hiccoughing horribly, tottered at his table, grimly guzzling for the glory of his college. Three of the Green River team, who had been coached by an ex-bartender, were going strong, and it looked like a sad day for Three Star’s brave boozers. “Rah, Rah, Pete—drink ‘em off their feet!” shouted Green River fans to their famous captain. But all was gloom in the Three Star stands. Members of the Alumni Association—hardened topers and graduate drunkards themselves—wept maudlin tears at the thought of their dear old school going down to defeat at the hands of this hard-drinking team from the West. (Continued on page 26) WITd AdOLOGIES « comicbooks.com