Judge — January 8, 1927 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

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S-8, Girard, Kansas Fy Always insist upon having ABBOTT'S. Tonic Appetizer for 52 Years BiTTERS cp Semple Brame 2 & Co., Balte., Md. CY, BOW LECS? THIS GARTER (Pat'd) Makes Trousers Hang Straight If Legs Bend In or Out. Self Adjustable, Free Bookiet~ Pisin Gealed Bovelope The T. GARTER CO." ——— ‘New’ Hampshire Cortes (Gars MADE AT KEY WEST-—— “Listen, Sadie—somebody’s gotta sit in the rumble seat.” “Morally We Roll Along” sIn the November 20 issue of JupcE, Sidney Jerome Perelman wrote a “Fairy Story for Tired Clubmen,” and ended it by saying, “Anyone wishing to know the moral of this story may send a dime to Box 137, Leaven- worth, Kan.” Immediately afterwards dimes began to shower in on the owner of Box 137 asking for the moral! The owner being an honest citizen turned the lucre over to the post office and the post office also being very honest re- turned the dimes to the moral hunters. Sidney Jerome Perelman, the guilty culprit, feeling great qualms at having accidentally picked out Box 137, has written a moral which you will find below.* V ELL, kiddies, in the November 20 issue of JupGE, papa prom- ised to give you the moral of the fairy tale about The Fair One with Golden Locks, so let’s get organized. The moral, as you funny little fellows guessed long ago, is “Time and tide waits forno man.” That reminds me of a wow I heard not long ago at a smoker. It seems these two gents were on the road selling chewing gum for rival concerns and got in one night pretty late. There was only one broken-down old hotel in the town, so they got a couple of rooms on the same floor and after having a cup of coffee together, each one went to his room and went to bed. About four o'clock in the morning one of them woke up suddenly and re- membered that he had forgot to send a telegram to his firm, so he got dressed and went down to the lobby and sent the telegram. Then he sat down and smoked a cigar and read an old paper, but while he was read- ing there, he fell asleep and stayed there all night. The next morning the other sales- man came down-stairs and walked in the lobby and saw his friend asleep in the chair. He went over to him and shook him, but the other one didn’t move. So he shook him a couple of more times but he couldn’t wake him up. Finally he went in the hotel office and asked the manager if there was a bellboy around. The manager called the bellboy and the salesman said to him: “My friend doesn’t wake up when I shake him. Is there anything the matter with him?” “Tl say there is!” “What?” says the salesman. “He's a laughs the bell- boy, and they all went off in a volley of laughter. They laughed for about ten minutes and the salesman thought the crack such a good one that he gave the bellboy a good cigar. It developed later that the hotel had been held up during the night and the robbers had bumped off the salesman and left him in the chair, so they left him in the hos- pital for repairs and went in and had breakfast. I like to go to smokers because you hear all sorts of funny stories there. I bet I’ve heard a million of them, but the trouble with me is I can’t remember them ten minutes after I hear them Perelman Copyright, 1926, Jopcz New York says the bell- salesman!” comicbooks.com