Judge, 1926-12-25 · page 8 of 38
Judge — December 25, 1926 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Who Killed Cock Robin?" - Judge Magazine Satire This article satirizes New Jersey's legal system and contemporary crime investigation methods through a mock-serious treatment of the nursery rhyme "Cock Robin." The setup: a dead robin found in Lodi, N.J., prompts Governor Zoltick to announce two "ablest lawyers" will investigate. The satire works by treating a children's rhyme as a real legal case, complete with "evidence" (brandy blossoms on the nose, wood alcohol cocktails) and confessions. A character named Sparrow admits killing Robin—but only because his rhyming name makes him confess to anything that rhymes with "Sparrow" (narrow, barrow, harrow). The joke mocks both pompous legal proceedings and the absurdity of circumstantial evidence. The illustration shows men in suits debating seriously over a trivial matter, emphasizing the ridiculousness of bureaucratic overreach. The phrase at bottom ("Dern ye, Fat! If I cud git clost enuf to ye I'd sure paste ye one!") suggests working-class exasperation with elite legal theater.
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JUDGE WHO KILLED COCK ROBIN? Whiffletree, N. J. January 24, 192%, two of New Jersey’s ablest lawyers will face each other in a last attempt to ascertain just who the dickens any- way did kill this here Robin person. Governor Zoftick of New Jersey said yesterday in an exclusive interview with our correspondent that he was getting sick and tired of all this kibetzing around and he intended to find out who killed the damn bird anyhow, suggesting at the same time that it might have been our Aunt Hester, which notion we promptly pooh-poohed. The salient facts of the case are as follows: A bird, who later gave his name as Cock Robin, was found in a pretty disorganized condition under a curly maple tree near Lodi, N. J. He had a black eye and two brandy blossoms on his nose, so it was first thought that the tree might have fallen on him; but this surmise was abandoned when it was pointed out “Dern ye, Fat! by Our Special Correspondent by several investigators that the tree was still standing. Repeated attempts were made to revive Robin without success, until it was finally suggested that he be given wood alcohol cocktails. If he didn’t re- vive under these, argued the sug- gesters, he must be dead indeed; and if he were really dead, the cocktails could only make him deader. The plan was carried out and so was Robin, but not before he had come to for a moment and whispered the significant syllable “Rab. Such are the mysterious circum- stances surrounding the case. What further complicates the case is that several people have already come forward with admissions that they killed Robin. Chief among them is a bushelman from the Bronx named Sparrow, who claims he did it with his bow and arrow. The fact is that. this Sparrow is just a rhyming fool and would admit anything as long as it rhymed with Sparrow. Like “narrow” or “barrow,” for instance. Or even “harrow.” By the way, that’s not so bad. How about a little jingle like “Oh, how these circumstances must harrow The honest soul of Mr. Sparrow!” This might work up into a good poem sometime. Well, the way we figure it out is this: The key of the case is con- tained in Robin’s last utterance, “Rab.” Now take all the things this could mean. Did he mean “Rabid,” inferring that he had been bitten by a rabid dog? No, for Robin was a pretty gay dog himself. Did he mean “Rabbit”? No again, for as far as can be ascertained, he hated rabbits, and they, likewise, feared him. What of “Rabble” or even “Rabbi”? No, they sound wrong anyhow. So that we finally narrow down to what Robin meant when he breathed “Rab” into the (Continued on page 29) If I cud git clost enuf to ye I’d sure paste ye one!” comicbooks.com