Judge — December 11, 1926 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ML at SEE EE JUDGE Ladies and Gentlemen! This is Judge, Jr., broad- casting direct from the High Hat Roof! It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you the kid sister, Judgette .. . . give this little girl a hand, Folks!... (shut up, will you, till I get through with my speech!) ....Judgette is very shy and bashful (like a jazz band) and doesn’t know her way around very well, but in her simple little childish way she'll try and tell you all about what the girlies are doing, and, Lads, what they’re not doing! . ... which reminds me of the story of the three bares—(Sit down! Sit down!)—all right! Ladies and Gentlemen .... Judgette! Se Dear Readers (Ya’ big sap!) that brother of mine thinks he’s very funny (Ha! Ha!) as a matter of fact he’s green-eyed because he can’t write things for the feminine mind— you know about the chameleon on the Scotch plaid... . aS Speaking of recipes! . . . . I’ve dis- covered the duckiest combination .... three parts vanilla ice cream, sliced bananas, whipped cream, crushed pecans, two or three cherries and maple syrup! Toss that off, Sister High Hats! SS Don’t overlook the new slippers and bags to match... . a particu- larly smart set in navy blue suede with a bit of leather trim... . and don’t get too well stocked in reptile skins—plain leather is coming back. ~ SS Rose Quartz is new no end in jewelry .... what a relief! .... it is combined with rhinestones or pearls, or both, for rings, ear- bobs, bracelets, ete. saw some nice ou like that sort of .. . huge erystal rings, that is if ) thing, at Saks . or colored stones . . . . one is supposed to have a pair—one for each hand.... SS Saw a Deb the other day wear- ing a little jeweled saxophone . . . . how could you, Dame Fashion! Or perhaps you haven't ....do you like the new pony fur jackets or the many colored leather coats?. . . . « neither do I! a a Have made a marvelous discovery seine an evening bag that will actu- ally hold a compact and a few things besides . . . . square, medium size, and flat, made of white moire trimmed in tiny steel beads and seed pearls... . and it has a perfectly wonderful mirror that you can see your whole face in! Brother, Dear, is so big-hearted! ..+.~he has consented to let me have the “Six Best Steppers” inmy column. I used to pick them out for him anyway! “Cross Your Heart” (Queen High). “Moonlight on the Ganges” (No Show). “Half a Moon” (Honeymoon Lane). “Do, Do, Do” (Oh, Kay). “Clap Yo’ Hands” (Oh, Kay). “Someone to Watch over Me” (Oh, Kay.) Learn a Trade a Day HESTNUT roasting. Any young man who likes to hang around corners would do well to take up chestnut roasting as a career. They say there’s money in chestnuts too, although most people can’t find any- thing in them but worms. To stimulate tra . the chestnut vender must move about from curb to curb. In case he forgets, there are always police to remind him. The equipment required for entering the business consists of several pieces of charcoal, a small wooden stand, a frying pan, a match, a small tin cup (the smaller the better) and three or more chestnuts. The best selling plan is this: Stand where people will see you and then start burning the chestnuts. The aroma is bound to attract customers. Ask each one how much worth he wants. If he says five cents’ worth, fill the cup and dump it in his vest pocket. If he says ten cents ‘worth, fill the same cup, but dump it in his overcoat pocket. If he says two cents’ worth, pick out a couple of red-hot ones and put them in his hand. Another trick of the trade is to purchase a tin cup measure that is smaller at the top than at the bottom. When measuring with this receptacle, a big chestnut will often get. stuck. R.C. O'Brien This week's hilarious wheeze comes from none other than Judge, Jr. It seems a lawyer said to his twelve months: “I must prepare a tort,” and the son snapped back, “For Pete sake, Pop, don’t say tort say taught!” son, aged comicbooks.com