Judge — December 11, 1926 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RETALIATION —Humorist | Unpublished Testimonials Or Why the Ad Men Have to Write Their Own Mince’s Manual of Nollidge Foes years ago I didn’t know a darned thing. In fact, I was so dumb I didn’t know enough to get up and walk away when old ladies pinched my cheek and said, “Oo—, what nicums fattums cheekums.” But to-day, look atme. I’m forty- one years old, and I know why the Mexican flea hound has its feet shorter on the northwest side than | in the equatorial zone. I know what | kind of apples the tribes of interior Zanzibar use for moth balls, how John Smith happened not to be the inventor of the automatic spaghetti fork, and why the stars always re- rection. I am in demand at all dinners and banquets because I've lost m tite. I’ve won two salary the last fifteen years, there are no lumps in my mashed potatoes, any more, I’m historian of the Loyal Auxiliary of Amalgamated Bozos, Tent No. 57-A, and my wife died in disgust and left me two thousand dollars. Altogether, I'm a pretty wise guy and one of the upended pillars of the community. I blame it all on your al of Nollidge, which owed me money gave to me for Christmas once. I'd rather he’d of kept the money. Wishing you much success in mak- ing other people as wise Yours distortedly, Earlie Asparagus. sTam, Gooley’s Goose Grease for Grinding Gravy When IT was a small child T used to be bothered with mice in the pan- try and sometimes it got so bad I couldn’t lie on my right sid night which was, of course, quite an annoyance, though even my best friends didn’t tell me about it for a long time. Final I got some of your e for Grinding and when my husband wasn't looking, I mixed it in with the dog’s breakfast. Inside of three weeks we were in sight of the outlying islands of the Western Hemisphere and from then on we sailed right past all traffic semaphores until we hit Pueblo and the County Fair. After a long search we finally found our bearings which had been picked up by the magnetic rear axle, and from that period in my life until next winter the snow was all gone volve about the sun in the same di- “See, Hulda, your Christmas present. We want you to be contented here. We's® had a keyhole made so you won't have to bend down to peel: in and earphones to help you hear what we're tallsing about. comicbooks.com