Judge — October 9, 1926 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe WwW guys, you'll probably call me a great big fibber when I say that there was once an old dame living in a shoe with twelve or fifteen children. The idea was that some years before they used to live in a peachy flat but a giant had broken up their housekeeping by stealing off their old man to his castle, so they had to rent a good cheap shoe to live in. The shoe was all right but there wasn’t any hot water after nine o'clock at night and the elevator boys never showed up till noon. Their three dogs and the canary was living in the bathtub, while the She'land pony slept in the breakfast- room: but as he never got up before five o'clock, they had to get their breakfast from the dumb-waiter. The kids were a great help to their mother. The young ones used to visit a fruit stand around the corner and bring back whatever was in season, while the older ones used to hold up a cigar store now and then and give their mother all except a little spending money for them- selves. The older girls had all bobbed their hair and were practicing to be hobbed-hair bandits: so their mother knew that there was no idle hands to get in mischie But one day the oldest boy, whose name was Ben, said to the other children, “Why not go off and rescue the old man and then we won't have Everybody to work no more?” thought this was a great idea, so all the boys armed themselves — with bean-shooters and stood in line to get their mother’s blessing. After she gave it to them, she says, “How did you plan to get to this here giant’s castle?” “In a taxi,” says Ben. “And where would Ben and two of his brothers. pipes up, “At the taxidermist’s!" So they killed him and away they went. They finally got to a place where it said, it’s Rest, Campers Wel- come, Hot Dogs. Gas. Twenty Cents a Gallon, Park in Rear.” Ben went up to the door and knocked and an old gent came to the door and says. “All our stuff is gone but I can send you to a place around the corner where they sell it for three dollars a quart.” “No,” says Ben, “we got a date from the giant which stole him away. How do we get to him?” “You got a fat chance,” says the oldster, “there's a dragon guarding him! Anyway, go in and follow the green Tine.” to win back our old man So they went in and when they saw the dragon they wished they hadn't. They don’t have dragons nowadays like they used to; most of them have died from eating in delicatessen stores; but this one was a wow. They explained that they wanted their old man back, and when the dragon heard this, he curled up like a leaf and passed out cold. Then they went in and found their old man chained to the giant's foot which was asleep and they cut the chain and beat it without waking the giant. About half an hour later the giant awoke with an awful head and found that they had taken away their old man; so he rushed out of the castle and as soon as he got out on the sidewalk a flock of revenue agents fell on him and nabbed him. Then they shoved him in the black maria and took him up the river for a long visit. And the whole crew of boys returned with their papa and there was great rejoicing and everybody was fried for three days on gin cock- tails. I like this story because it’s full of narrow escapes and adventure and shows how Prohibition reunites families and protects the home. Perelman Lyric of Discreet Impartiality Wire do all the brutal gunmen browse? Chicago! Where do they slay defenseless cows? Chicago? Where is the place of most renown, The finest spot, the cleanest town In which to work and settle down? Buffalo, Los An- geles, Kalama- zoo, Philadel- phia, Boston Wiad hington; San Francisco, Detroit, Brook- lyn, St. Louis, East — Aurora, Duluth, Herrin, you get a_ taxi here?” asks she again. There was a silence and then the youngest boy is just too cunning and handy too First CuicaGo Fiapper—I think this method of wearing your artillery or wherever you live! Arthur L. Lipp- but it certainly is tough on sill: stockings! mann. comicbooks.com