Judge — October 9, 1926 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “Yes, your time is up—in fact I’m sorry to find we've kept you a week too long.” How to Enjoy a Visit to Chicago ore or Jupce: My wife and I want to drive to Chicago. Can you advise us what to take along? Rufus Bathmat, Delaware Water Gap, Pa. Dear Mr. Bathmat: First secure a durable armored automobile. These may be purchased from the War Department. Equip your car with five-inch guns, fore and aft. Some of the tourists this season have been mounting machine guns on the radiator cap, but this is optional with you. A good tank such as was used during the World War might do as well. For a three-day in Chicago, take along about thirty-two rounds of ammunition, two automatic re- volvers, one heavy duty rifle for the loop district and hand grenades to use when trying to work your way out of traffic. It would be well to purchase armored vests for your wife and self, also two trench helmets, rd it, I would suggest pany of infantry march alongside of your car as you enter the city. Entering Chicago, you will ap- proach the rear line trenches. Pro- ceed cautiously now on account of heavy artillery fire from bank rob- hat'y O. K., Warden—Inock it off my next visit.” Here lies Lou A. Hurd. Said he, “*. To H-ll,” toa bird In Chicago. qs ithe MUTT Aiea ule ee pays 35 for each One prin blogg bers. Swing your guns out, ready for action. As you near the gunmen sector, start firing with your forward gun. Meanwhile, your wife can lay down a barrage with the hand grenades. If not killed by a sniper’s bullet, you should reach your hotel with only minor flesh wounds. A gas mask for use in the stock yards region would prove a handy little accessory. Suggest you dis- pense with your Blue Book and pur- chase instead a copy of the United States Army Infantry Guide, The Artilleryman’s Manual, Machine Gun Fire Technique and a copy of “What to Do Until the Doctor Comes.” Hugh Wood Theater Business T's a wise novelist who knows his own story in play form. The theater coat checking-room wonderful thing for those who haven't anything to do for-a couple of hours after the show. Any theater is said to be capable of being emptied in three minutes, but “Abie’s Irish Rose” would prob- ably require ten or twelve years. Tired business men never look tired at the musical comedy. The love of money is the root of all bedroom plays. A dramatic critic is known by the company he keeps talking about. Better never than late coming to a show. The dirty work in most crook plays was when the author stole his ic Wayne G. Haisley Cucaco Boorsiack—Boss, if you can’t stop jiggling your left foot,” I won't be able to give you a decent shine—makes me nervous. 14 comicbooks.com