Judge — September 18, 1926 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE British Admiralty Libels Leander Aquatic Marvel Less Aqueous Than Aquaplaning A RECENT investigation conducted +4 by the British Admiralty has revealed the fact that Leander re- ceived aid in his nocturnal swims across the waters of the Hellespont. While the High Lord of the Ad- miralty refuses to make public the details of the investigation, it is be- lieved that Hero’s lover was picked up nightly by a fast motorboat some distance out from the darkened shores of Abydos. It is thought that an unknown person stationed in the stern of the craft was in the habit of tossing an aquaplaning board to Leander. From that point on it was a comparatively easy matter for the world’s premier aquatic lover to be drawn swiftly across to Sestos, and so establish his remarkable records. Commenting upon the situation, the London Garboon in its big-hearted way “Leander a Dud—Was Helped Across Hellespont.” It adds, “foreign nations were beginning to think that Britannia or Britannica or what have you ruled nothing except the encyclopedia. But that is the exact reason why we employ the Admiralty. Just wait till they get through! The whole world is going Oswatp—I’ve been declared a semi-pro! “How come?” “Pa gave me a nickel for beating Willie Garfinkle.” to know that Britannia rules every- thing watery from the Seven Seas to the ripple in a bathtub in Patagonia. We're sorry we can't say, “Well stroked, Leander,” but long live the Admiralty! It isn’t cricket to be helped across Hellesponts and the Admiralty is there to put a stop to it. And the > chaps that can do Edwin Rutt Mar—An economical couple—they eloped to save themselves the cost of a wedding. Sue—Are they happy? “No, but they stay together to save themselves the cost of a divorce!” A Seismograph In Every Home HE millennium comes galloping on apace! A cheap, handy seis- mograph has been perfected which will enable even the poorest laborer to predict his own earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, right in the privacy of his own home, without having to depend on the reports printed in the newspapers. Fur- thermore anybody can now become a full-fledged scientist, whose every word will be suitable meat for an A. P. dispatch. First it was Bell with the tele- phone, then Edison with the phono- graph and Ford with the motor car. Now along comes Dr. Jaggar, a Government volcanologist (and who doesn’t want to be a volcano- logist?) with his home seismo- graph. Dr. Jaggar's idea is that there are just hundreds of teeny-weeney little earthquakes going on all the time of which none of us are conscious. His gadget will show even the small- est ones, thus affording comfort and to millions who would otherwise be forced to spend a dull evening at the movies watching typhoons in China, volcanoes in Hawaii, and the smoking crater of Vesuvious. Creighton Peet comicbooks.com