Judge — July 17, 1926 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ee ae ~ ro JUDGE Editor, Norman Anthony Wine AKE Prohibition! Take one part Gordon Water, and some White Rock. What have you? An in- ing beverage! Think of it! This sort of thing can't goon. Liquor is a curse. It makes a man propose marriage, makes a woman tell her right age, causes un- happiness everywhere. Take the other side of the ques- tion. Take Bacardi, lemon juice and a dash of Grenadine. It is this sort of thing that’s undermining our national Figures for the fiscal year, ending October 31, show that the American farmer has always supported a protective tariff. The April True Confessions carries a searching article, “The Evil of the Boll Weevil,” by Eddie Cantor, which throws an interesting light on this question. Mr. Cantor agrees with Anita Loos that Protestantism is the main root of the modern capitalistic spirit. Can this go on? Decidedly no. There is an old saying which goes something like “all is not gold that glitters” and how aptly this fits the present situation. Meanwhile, what has been done? Nothing! In Ohio, alone, last year $300,000 was spent for new lamp posts! In the last a Liberty is what our forefathers fought and bled for and in the course of human events the laboring classes will rise en masse and demand real beer. The oranges pro- duced in the State of California in one year laid end to end would reach from one Bronx cocktail to another. The drunks produced in New York State in one year laid end to end would there. And why? The answer, gentlemen, is Prohibition! resources. stay Women V ELL, well, well! What next! What next! Wither is the younger generation drifting? Why such « high tariff? Why aren't the prices of commodi reduced? Where do mosquitoes go in the winter time? Who paid the rent for Mrs. Rip Van Winkle? But take the other side of the question. What this country needs is more beautiful women. Statistics show that in Europe four out of five women are beautiful. In this country four out of five have Pyorrhea. Something should be done about it at once! This sort of thing can’t go on. It's a national menace. Write your Congressman. Take Yonkers, for example. Conditions in that city are de- plorable. It is this kind of thing that causes national unrest, creates Bolshevism, closes factories, causes labor troubles. The dictionary gives this definition of occiput: that part of the skull which forms the back part of the head. Associate Editors, William Morris Houghton, William Edgar Fisher, Phil Rosa. Dramatic Editor, George Jean Nathan Voters go to the poles! It is your duty as citizens of this great and glorious country to cast your votes. It may seem a little thing to you but it’s the little things in life that count. And crooked politics must be wiped out! Song OME ONE once said, probably Irving Berlin, “I care not who makes the ion’s laws so long as I may write its songs.” Here is a happy solution to the housing problem which threatens our densely populated districts. After all, what is better than a good song? It is alw fair weather when good fellows get together and a rviling stone gathers no moss. As we go to press the words of an old ditty come to our mind. As a matter of fact, the result in Iowa may be attributed, we suppose, to just one thing. But after all the early bird catches the worm. Soldiers march to battle singing; husbands come home singing. That is the amazing thing about orthogamy. Birds sing, radios sing, Sing Sing. Take the “Prisoner’s Song!” The death rates in outlying districts has increased 67¢ per cent. in the last eighteen days. Is that not significant? Yes, it is not significant. ays What Next? Te future looks dark indeed for this nation. Trying times are ahead of us and who knows but what the panic of 1492 will be repeated. Of course, all this is mere conjecture and everything may turn out all right. What this country needs is bigger and better bath- tubs! Poor plumbing is what caused the crime wave in Chicago. Three hundred and seventy-one people were shot in that city in the last month and the rest were half shot. New York City is overrun with crime waves. You can see them on every bobbed head in town. Take Philadelphia, full of bunting and flags. There’s a crime wave for you! Their motto is “Do not open until Christ- The Sesquicentennial is to celebrate one hundred and fifty years of Independence. We know of a man who walked down the middle of Broad street waving a liquor bottle and he was arrested! Ironic to say the least. A liberty bell hangs over the entrance to the Exposition and it isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. The Bell? No, the Exposition! Take the high cost of loving! A young man has to have an income of at least ten thousand a year to even take a girl for a sleigh ride! Or rather, she takes him. Flasks have gone up in price. Take alcohol—take a lot of it. Here’s how! mas!” J. Jr. comicbooks.com