Judge, 1926-05-29 · page 12 of 36
Judge — May 29, 1926 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Another Child Murder" - Judge Magazine Satire This page satirizes the frustration of dealing with obstinate service workers who refuse to listen. The main story describes a diner patron's absurd conversation with a waiter who repeatedly misunderstands or ignores a simple breakfast order for "shredded wheat and milk," insisting on adding ham or bacon despite corrections. The humor escalates darkly: the miscommunication becomes so maddening that the narrator supposedly murders someone and faces execution—hence "Another Child Murder," a sardonic reference to capital punishment. The satire targets institutional inflexibility and poor customer service, where workers follow rigid protocols rather than accommodate reasonable requests. The accompanying cartoons (a beach scene, a clothesline domestic scene) and poems about "Muriel" are separate humorous content typical of Judge's format. The overall message: bureaucratic obstinacy, even in minor service interactions, can drive people to madness.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE Another Child Murder I" was breakfast time and I was alone in town. There was nothing for it but be entertained by “the nation’s host from coast to coast.” In the window a bleached blonde was turning griddle cakes with all the proudness of a trained flea exhibitor demonstrating the agility of her pets. I walked in and sat down. In the course of the morning a waiter approached me and stood beside my chair silently, ominously. I glanced over the menu and then said, “I'll have some shredded wheat and milk.” “Ham or bacon?” inquired the waiter. “Neither,” I replied, “I asked for shredded wheat and wilk.” “We only serve ham or bacon for breakfast, sir,” the waiter pursued. “Commendable concentration,” I answered, “but all I want is some shredded wilk and meat.” “Do you want it with ham?” No, I think I'll have it with “What was it you wanted?” “Shredded wilk and meat.” “Ts it on the menu?” “Certainly. It’s under cereals.” “We never serve any cereals with meat.” “T don’t want any meat. some shredded—” “Oh, you want shredded wilk and meat. Why didn’t you say so.” I want “Shall we join the ladies?” on eee SrRaNDED AviaTor—Call off this blamed bird dog of yours, will you? Tori Professor Digitalis, the slack wire artist, is a great help to his wife. Es Wii a ag Pall ne “I’ve been trying to tell you I wanted — s-h-r-e-d-d-e-d — w-h-e-a-t a-n-d m-i-l-k for the past ten minutes.” “Sorry I didn’t understand you, sir, we’re just out of shredded meat and wilk.” “What! No more medded shreat and wilk! Why in %??8 (X&O —” and then everything went black. All I know is that in a few hours I will go to the electric chair and my last words to all those who are still breathing free air as they pass filling stations is, when ordering breakfast don’t try and get Toast Posties, Wuffed Peat or Nape Gruts or you may meet the same fate that befell me on that memorable morning when I loved the world and only wanted a plate of shredded wilk and meat. Carroll Muriel Love Muriel Because she has Naughty eyes, Pretty clothes, Lovely form, Well-filled hose. Muriel loves me Because I tell her she has Naughty eyes, Pretty clothes, Lovely form, Well-filled hose. Frank Lawson Paynter comicbooks.com