Judge — May 15, 1926 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The flower bed—designed for nature lovers, who tike to loaf on the grass. The Perfect Alarm Jew York is the most inhospit- able city in the world I speak from experience. The first day I was there I stopped to look at a little red box on Broad- way and read the raised letters: “Break glass. Turn key to right. Open door. Pull down lever.” I followed instructions. Within two minutes I had checked the arrival of the following: 3 pumps, motor driven. 8 combination chemical and patrol cars. 3 ladder trucks. ambulances. 5 battalion chiefs. 67 press cars. 45 insurance adjusters. 187 lawyers. 567 dogs. 10,874 dumb-bells, both sexes. 1 fire chief. They all looked at me. “Chief,” I said, for I did not want to seem unappreciative, “as ¢ stranger in your fair you welcome to this corer. “Thank you,” he replied. “This is an unexpected pleasure. “Don’t mention it, old-timer,” I comforted him, for he seemed rather embarrassed. “‘Before I launch into my address, however, let me assure you that the fame of your brave de- partment is known even as far as Prune Corners, from whence I come.” “Sir,” he replied in the same happy vein. You come as a friend; it was my privilege, at the last fire chiefs’ Anywire—Hector, you're getting my feet wet! crawling over you right now! convention, to meet your efficient fire chief.” “I shall send him a postcard as soon as I get located, and tell him I saw you,” I continued. “This is a wonderful city. It is, I can see, in fact, a progressive city. Who would have thought, fifty years ago, sir, that by the simple device of pulling a lever in yon scarlet box one might within a few seconds semble such an energetic, efficient and highly intellectual gathering as I see around me at this moment?” This was greeted with a tremen- heer. am reminded,” began the chief. now more at ease, “of the story of Pat and Mike.” “T beg you stop,” I interrupted. “I have heard that one. Besides. a serious occasion. I already taken up more than the time allotted me. T realize you and ourhospitableaudience—and I can see from one sweeping glance that they are nature’s true noble men and women—may have other work to do. Perhaps there are others who, even now, are awaiting your arrival anxiously while hun- gry, lurid flames lick their humble homes and frantic mothers with prattling babes plead pitifully from windows, cut off by fire from. the streets below.” There was the rumble of many strong throats being cleared and tears glistened in the eyes of thou- sands. ‘(Continued on page 25) (raat sR—T've been auful sick—had snakes crawlin’ over me. e—Boy! Youain't well yet! [can see those snakes comicbooks.com