Judge — April 10, 1926 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

In 1936 How Wonderful Cities Are Made INGO city is the most wonder- ful city in the United States. We have wonderful parks, wonder- ful climate, wonderful roads, one hundred per cent. pure water, the finest hotels, the best of business es- tablishments. Everybody in Bingo City will welcome you and extend the hand of friendship. Come to Bingo City. Come! Come! Stingo City is the most wonderful city in the United States. We have wonderful parks, wonderful climate, wonderful roads, one hundred per cent. pure water, the finest hotels, the best of business establishments. An old-fashioned girl. Everybody in Stingo City will wel- He Met Death Simile-ing 1F£ is like that. It will hit a man in his metaphor (the upper and more vulnerable part of his rhetoric and almost as tender as the solar plexus) thus ruining his diction for life, and sometimes longer. An in- stance of this occurred but a few days ago, next Tuesday to be exact. We were discussing a stenographer we'd just hired when my partner, who we will call Herman because, un- fortunately, that is his name, said. “Oh, I guess she'll do all right, but shneeze as snow as a show snoveller.” The poor man realized almost im- mediately that he'd made quite a botch of his simile and after blushing and trying to pretend it didn’t hurt said, “What I mean to say is she’s as shlow as a sew shovellner.” “There, there, old man,” I said. “Pull yourself together. I know what you mean and I quite agree with you. Snee 1s as show as a shnove suveler.” A fiendish gleam lit his eyes, but I was nonchalant and lit a cigarette on it. “See!” he shouted. “You can’t say show's as slee as a snov- shuffler either.” Things were rapidly going from pretty terrible to a good deal worse. Instead of being beside each other we were both beside ourselves. None could manage, ‘Shnows as she as a slow shnoveller.” Finally in one desperate effort, Herman, who has flat feet anyway, got an apoplectic stroke and before I could say, “She's as slow as a snow shoveller,” he died of old age fifteen years later. Carroll Carroll come you and extend the hand of friendship. Come to Stingo City. Come! Come! Who am I? year ago I was secretary of the mber of Commerce in Bingo and wrote the first paragraph. Now I am secretary of the Chamber of Commerce in Stingo City, having been transferred, and I have just written the second paragraph. William Sanford ‘Triolet Spring is in the air, Summer's in the offing; Blossoms here and there, Spring is in the air; | Woolen underwear, People now are doffing; Spring is in the air, Summer's in the offing. The New England farmer who leaves no stone unturned. 2Q9000, Ni worererere) f a9 Repucrne Instructror—Now, boys. The first lesson—lie flat on the floor—let’s go! comicbooks.com