Judge — December 19, 1925 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

n he ; he you rety, y his nvi- of a ol— 1 the own. go “What's the penalty for bigamy?” “Two mothers-in-law.” —C. C. N. Y. Mercury PIs Prison Reformer (addressing con- vict)—My good man are you happy? Convict—Of course not. “But do you know that, ‘Stone walls and iron bars do not a prison make?’ ” “Then this warden has sure got me hypnotized.” —Centre Colonel Is It seems there were two Irishmen, Pat and Mike. They met one day on the street and the following con- versation took place: “Pat, you owe me tin dollars.” “Begorra, Moike, this is the first time that two Irishmen named Pat and Mike ever met and there was no joke.” —Cornell Widow “Why so glum, Gertrude?” “Well, I got married for fun.” “Well?” “And now I am out of humor.” —S. California Wampus Child’s Play. —Joun Hopkins Buack AnD Bive Jay tas She—Where were you last night? He—No place to speak of. —Washington Dirge Pror.—Why weren’t you in class Monday? Srupe—I have an excuse, Sir. f “Yes, I’ve seen her, and a pretty poor excuse, I calls it.” —WasuineTon Dirce Innocent Morperer—What’s this all about, sheriff? Conscientious Suerirr—Do let me show you the hang of it. —Cairornia PELICAN Evolution Darwinian disciples call a man an ape. I am content with hav- ing him a fish. In the first place, as the famous Greek tragedian, Euripides, said, “Man is a poor fish for having been born. He be- comes still poorer if he has to live.” If you must live in New York and patronize the subways, you're nothing but a sardine. Try to acquire some land and you're a land shark. Dance and you wriggle like an eel. Be a good sport and you're a whale of a fine fellow. Kick a lot and you're a crab. Stick around and you be- come a lobster, until she shuts you up like a clam and tells you what a cheap skate you are. —N. Y.U. Medley IIH “Do you speak Bulgarian?” “No, not when ladies are present.” —California Pelican rey “Don’t smoke and you'll come out better in the long run,” said the mother to the Marathon athlete. —Denison Flamingo tat Kindly Old Lady—And what do you expect to be when you graduate? Two - time Freshman — A grand- father. —Stevens Stone Mill 23 comicbooks.com