Judge — November 7, 1925 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

t RTE RTM NS TNF = “Every Saturday night Ma goes out lookin’ faux pas with a rolling-pin,” The Gentle Gendarmes A Squad of Paris Police Has Been Assigned to the Task of Preventing Parisians from Eating Toad- stools Instead of Mushrooms I was just about to swallow my glass of ginger ale when the door was violently pushed open and Gendarme La Coq seized the glass and dashed it to the floor. “Do you not know, monsieur, that ginger ale ruins the stomach?” he questioned in a tone of ever so gentle reproof. A little chagrined, I paused to light a cigarette. From the shadow of the piano leaned the Prefect of Public Morals. ‘Very bad, very bad,” he blurted. “Smoking eez not good for zee young man—only for zee young woman.” At luncheon, the following day, I was on the point of swallowing my first oyster. There were sounds of motorcycles, scuffing feet in the hall, and then the Oyster Division from Headquarters dashed into the room, “Sir,” shrieked a man who looked like an elevator starter, “this is August. If you dare eat zee oyster you shall be arrested presto!—like that—on orders from the Department of The Interior.” He saluted, clicked his heels and was 7 ae WG * we ix CHS Gp + # yw > ese Adjustable studio screen for enabling the modest model to pose. The next morning at one am. I was walking through the street and an Apache held me up, robbed me of my elk’s tooth and left me, stunned and helpless, in the street. At sunrise, as I was recovering con- sciousness, Gendarme De La Paix stood above me and said, “I am sorry, but I must arrest zee Ameri- can,” “Why?” I shouted. “I haven’t eaten a bit of food in three days.’ Every time I touch something the Dietetic Division appears and pre- vents it. I’ve stopped eating.” “Tis not that,” he answered. (On4, Unctz Hrram—What’s he paintin’ that wuthless old house fer? Uncie Jim—Dunno—jes practicin’, mebbe. “Well, why?” I persisted. “Monsieur permitted himself to be held up, yes? Then monsieur permitted a taxi to run over him, yes? Then monsieur has the indeli- cacy to be found in the gutter in the morning, yes? And to make it worse, monsieur is appearing on the in the day time in a tuxedo o” “Gendarme,” I said, “what does zee doctait do after zee doctair operates on your father and removes his appendix?” “T know not,” he answered. “Sews your old man,” was my snappy come-back, Hugh Wood Rad Those who lack courage can learn a lot from postage stamps. , Postage stamps never know when they're licked. It’s different with billposters, how- ever, When they’re pasted all over the lot, they tell the world. The Pace That Thrills ° The race, it seems, is to the swift, Our girls agree on that. For look you! Nowadays they dress In almost nothing flat. Martin Shepherd