Judge, 1925-09-05 · page 12 of 36
Judge — September 5, 1925 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis for Modern Readers This Judge magazine page satirizes married men's excuses for staying out late, a recurring anxiety in early 20th-century domestic life. **"The Aphasia Excuse"** mocks a husband claiming amnesia—he "couldn't remember who I was"—to explain his absence. The joke's absurdity (even the police officer doesn't know him) suggests such excuses are transparently ridiculous. **"Handbook for Husbands"** presents fake justifications: the "Wrong Train" excuse, the "Goldfish" gambit (purchasing a pet to justify hours away). These parody real marital conflicts over husbands' nighttime activities. **"Hospitality"** critiques hosts who abandon guests while fetching drinks, violating social etiquette—a contemporary concern about proper entertaining. **"Funnybones"** and the dentist cartoon are unrelated quips about fashion and dental work. The satire targets husbands' creative dishonesty and the domestic friction of the era, when wives' anxieties about their husbands' whereabouts were a stock subject for humor. The Eighteenth Amendment reference dates this to Prohibition era (1920-1933).
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE APHASIA EXCUSE Suddenly couldn't remember who I was. Asked officer. He didn’t know either. HANDBOOK FOR HUSBANDS Containing 1,001 Excuses for Staying Out Nights by Prof. Abeliar Glibtongue, A.B., C.D. (Continued from last week) The Aphasia Excuse—(Can only be used once)—Started for station— suddenly couldn’t remember where I was going or who I was—asked officer—he didn’t know cither— wandered for hours—held up and robbed by thug whs hit me on head— memory restored—came right home. ~'-Note—If this doesn’t seem to be working have another attack. The Wrong Train—(Note—Be careful not to get your towns mixed.) —Was in such a hurry that I got on the train for instead of + Took train from there and found myself on the train. Thought as long as I was in T'd look-up a customer of ours who lived there. Found he'd moved to ——. The Goldfish—(Note—This ex- cuse necessitates the purchase of a bowltof goldfish.) Sawa bowlof gold- fish in a window which I knew you'd love. Was carrying it to the station when one of the goldfish jumped out of the bowl right into a taxicab. Finally, caught the taxi, but had an argument with the driver because _ Hospitality | WwW" constitutes genuine hos- pitality? Why, making the guest feel perfectly at ease, of course. | Some hosts and hostesses do not | seem to appreciate this. | I have a young couple in mind. | When I visit them of an evening they invariable excuse themselves and leave me with my thoughts. Then I hear a sound as of ice being cracked | | coming from the kitchen and pres- ently a serving-table is wheeled in bearing oddly shaped glasses filled with sparkling alcoholic beverages. | a Of course, I do not wish to em- barrass anyone, so I partake of the refreshment. * When I take my departure several drinks later my conscience bothers | me, because I know I have violated the Eighteenth Amendment. Icom- fort myself with the thought that the party of the second part is more | guilty than 1. | Believe me, if those people up there were not such good friends of mine I would not go up there so often! R. C. O’Brien Funnybones Oh, fashion, what shins are per- mitted in thy name! he wanted to charge the fish for the > ride. After arguing with him for two Se ee Oe or three hours he finally gave me | back the fish. you draw us some pictures? | | | | Doctor Puttem—Miss Pallette, if I get a pencil and some paper will | Miss Patterre—Certainly, Doctor, if you'll pull a few teeth! J comicbooks.com