Judge, 1925-08-22 · page 8 of 36
Judge — August 22, 1925 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page satirizes marital dynamics and suburban life through humor about male infidelity excuses. **"Handbook for Husbands"** is the main feature—a satirical guide offering 1,001 pretexts for staying out late. The "Lost Hat" excuse exemplifies the genre: a man fabricates an elaborate story about purchasing a hat, losing it on a train, chasing the train, waiting for ferries, and swimming home. The joke is that husbands need detailed, time-consuming excuses to hide affairs, and the handbook cynically notes this excuse "never fails." A footnote suggests the same tactic works repeatedly with increasingly expensive gifts, building to a grand piano. **"Corporal of the Guard"** is a sentimental poem about an elderly WWI veteran grandfather in uniform, peacefully napping while grandchildren beg war stories. When he finally begins—disappointing them with a golf anecdote ("hole nine in 'birdie'")—the kids leave. The joke: wartime heroism matters less than entertainment value. The **bottom cartoon** shows a couple examining sea-view property; the landlady proudly displays two women at a window—the "views" are attractive women, not scenery. It's crude double-entendre humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
(Suburban Section) “The Lost Hat.” (Never fails!) HANDBOOK FOR HUSBANDS Containing 1,001 Excuses for Staying Out Nights by Prof. Abeliar Glibtongue, A.B., C.D. THE success of an “excuse” de- pends entirely on the speed with which it is delivered. Therefore I have divided this volume into sections for ready access. All the excuses in this Handbook have been tested out, but in case any of them fail, turn im- mediately to the “Emergency Section.” If this also fails look around for your nearest exit. SvusurBan SEcTION The Lost Hat—(This excuse en- tails an initial expenditure of five or ten dollars for a new hat, but it never fails!)—On the way to the station saw a hat in a window that was just made for you. Bought it and then left it on train. Hired taxi to chase train—missed train at station. Waited for train to come back—looked on train but it wasn’t there. Train started be- fore I could get off. Came back to town—went to lost and found de- partment and here’s the hat! (Note— This excuse can be worked several times with different gifts, starting with something cheap, like a hat, and working up to a grand piano.) The Crowded Ferry—Such a crowd on the 5.10 ferry that it started back before I could get off. Repeat on the 5.20. . Then found I was on the wrong ferry. Swam home. (Continued Next Week) Jones—I say, what about those sea views you advertised? Lanpiapy (proudly)}—’Ere they are, sir. Corporal of the Guard! N Fast-FapinG khaki Grandfather Mullarkey Was dressed for his outfit’s parade; His medals were shining and he was reclining At ease in the couch hammock’s shade. He looked pretty nifty for one who had fifty Years since charged the Hinden- burg line; You'd want him to kiss you, for though it was “issue” His uniform fitted him fine! His grandchildren eyed him and lined up beside him (As all well-bred youngsters should do). “Pray tell us a story,” they begged, “of the gori- Est battle you’ve ever been through!” The hero’s eyes glistened, in mood reminiscent, And clearing his throat he began: “When Alec McCurdy made hole nine in ‘birdie’-—” But the kids knew their rout step and ran! —Roswell J. Powers KOE Sead) $ “give a sentence with the het) Infectious” “My girl's sure dumb, infectious a half-wit.” They was wedding presents! comicbooks.com