Judge — August 1, 1925 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Pastoral I wit fly from the city’s rules and laws, from its fashions and fads cut loose, and go where the straw- berry grows on a straw, and the gooseberry grows on the goose; where the catnip tree is loaded with cats the whole of the livelong day, and the rattan bush is full of rats, and the curds don't go a-whey. Oh, soon I'll be where all the day in the hammock swings the ham, where the hens are laying corner-stones, and each door has its jam; where the barberry stands up to the bar, and the spinach spins its yarn; where the piglets lovingly plight their trough, and barnacles sleep in the barn. Oh, let me drink from the moss- grown pump that was hewed from the pumpkin tree, eat dumplings from the dear old dump, smoke cigars from the sea, and drink fresh milk from milkweed sweet, and mush from the mushroom vine, blueberries from the blue-grass lawns, and pineapples from the pine. I'll gather the grain from the hickory plank, and take it with me to the mill; and I'll dose the poor sick sycamore tree, and cut corn from the foot of a hill. Dll rise with the Jarks in the early morn and list while the poplar pops, and watch the buttercups buttering cups, and the grasshopper making hops. I'll catch with ease the purple cows and cowlets in their glee as they lightly slip from bough to bough in the top of the cowslip tree. And when I awaken at half past ten, I'll painfully lie back in bed and call my valet and have him put another ice pack on my head. Ted Osborne The postponed honeymoon Europe! Have you been? Are you going? If not, why not? It’s the thing to do this season! Why? I don’t know, but everybody’s doing it! If it keeps up there won't be anything left in these United States to write about. However, the stay-at-homes seem to be enjoying themselves out in the great open spaces. Swimming, yachting, dancing, drinking, which reminds me of a wonderful summer drink just discovered. Gin in iced tea! No kidding! Here’s another, too. Much more deadly. Guar- anteed to’ develop ninety hoarse power! Gin, whisky, absinthe and créme de cocoa. Hot diggedy dog! fi The Blanket Sport Coat. The young blood shops around for the loudest blanket he can find and has it made into a sport coat. And the beach coats! They look like a lot of Shubert chorus boys. ——_ A new expression. ‘“He’s all wet and a yard wide.” Don’t know what it means, but imagine the person referred to is a flop—a flat tire—a washout. > The Six Best Steppers: “What a World This Would Be.” “Toddle Along.” “Yes, Sir. That’s My Baby!” “April Fool.” “Aha!” “Have a Little Drink.” GU comicbooks.com