Judge — July 18, 1925 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Umps—What are you here for? Viottnist—The star has to have just the right kind of music, or he can’t do his stuff. Help Wanted USINESS man who cannot afford to lose much time from office, wants boy to take place on line at box office of popular Broadway show. Chance for advancement. Man wanted to drive an automo- bile that won't go. Liberal com- mission to the genius who can accom- plish this miracle. Elevator starter. Must also know how to stop ‘em. Floorwalker. Father of fractious infant is anxious to obtain services of an experienced one to relieve him. State your own salary. One armed man (with left arm missing) would like to meet another one armed man and learn to play the piano with him. Only those with right arm missing need apply. Soap salesmen. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Soap and water are necessities of modern civilization. Everybody has water. Therefore, it’s a cinch to sell its complement, soap. Only honest men who won't try to cut out coupons from wrappers in order to get the valuable premiums themselves wanted. File clerk. Bring your own file. Salesman. We can use the services of one more live wire. The man we hire must be able to sell hooch to a prohibitionist, because that’s what we want him for. Pleasant work. Late hours. Meet the best known people in each community. Put ona pair of shoes with rubber heels and report for work immediately. R. C. O’Brien LAU SS A guide slumbers here, One Joshua Clice. If he'd begn the deer He'd still be alive! Revenge and Retribution In an office of a certain tramway company stood a bland official and an indignant suburban householder. “Again I tell you, sir,” said the visitor in hoarse tones, “that I have. come here to get justice. Yesterday my wife was stepping off one of your tramcars when the conductor trod on her dress and tore a piece of trim- ming off the hem.” The official smiled. Then he said, quite calmly: “And I suppose you want us to provide your wife with a new frock?” “No, sir, I don’t intend to let you off as easily as all that,” replied the other. He extended his right hand and the official saw that it contained a small piece of silk. “What I propose to have you do, sir,” he bellowed, “is to match this silk.” —Answers sas Wife—What would you like me to give you for your birthday, James? Hubby—It's very kind of you, dear, but I don’t think I can afford it this year. —Tit-Bits Sse In Switzerland a house hidden be- neath the water of a lake for years is now gradually reappearing. It is presumed that the plumber has found the leak —London Opinion Banked where it. draws most interest! -comicbooks.com