Judge — November 15, 1924 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Brighten the Corner Where You Are.” Clever Witticisms Related to Me by Famous Folks I Have Met (With suitable apologies to certain writers of personal anecdotes) [™= chatting with Nero one day at the coliseum while we were waiting for a matinée performance at the expense of the christians. “Nero, old boy,” I remarked, “you hadn’t ought to treat these poor people this way. Why don’t you hold them in respect and considera- tion?” Nero gave that loud, pleasant for which he was noted. I do more than that for them,” he replied, offering me a Pippin, “can’t you sec that I lionize them?” There was nothing that William Shakespeare enjoyed more than a witticism of his own making. One bright morning as we were headed for the forest, armed with Winchesters, to get a crack at the king’s deer, I said to William: “Bill, why is it that you go about so much with Ann Hathaway? She’s much older than you are, Surely you can find a pretty girl nearer your own age!” Bill laughed and poked me in the ribs with the butt of his Winchester, at the same time exhibiting a prodi- gious wink. “W he replied, “Ann Hath-a-way! It was soon after this that he and Ann were somewhat hastily married. It is not generally known that the ex-Kaiser, when a young man, used to spend his annual vacation as a deck-hand on a Hoboken ferryboat. T remember distinctly one sunny June morning a newsboy came on the boat with a bundle of daily papers. The Kaiser had just finished scrubbing the deck and as he caught sight of the boy he went over and bought a copy of the World, and seating himself on an empty swash bucket, he commenced reading it. “T like the world,” he remarked to me, a little feverish light shining in his eyes as he chuckled to himself, “and some day I’m going to try and own it!” ‘The first lady of the land certainly had a sense of humor and was a most charming hostess. I shall always recall with pleasure the noon I dropped into the Garde Eden to get some good stories for future use. Adam was off on a hunting trip and Eve and I sat in the apple orchard and smoked Chesterfields. I laughed heartily at the many jokes she related to me, which you may now see from day to day in the humor columns. As I was about to leave I noticed that her fig leaves were drying up and turning brown and remarked on the fact. Eve looked at me out of those pretty blue eyes of her and dimpled. “Yes,” she replied, “Adam says it’s a all!” and blushing slightly she gave one of her little roguish laughs! I kissed her finger tips and bade her good-by. Really, if I were not so busy in the humor business I might have remained and fought it out with Adam for the privilege of helping to raise Cain, a rather Abel statement, you must admit! William Sanford sas sign of an early According to a contemporary, the planet Uranus has four moons. What a heaven-sent home for song writers. tae One hundred women recently claimed as their husband a man who died in a hospital. It seems as though the doctors did their best for him, after all. Kindly send me a bottle of flesh reducer, as per your advertisement, Tam very anzious to get this before Thanksgiving. 24 comicbooks.com