Judge — October 11, 1924 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

old, | that ping less e or ears een are they g to erin rin ling, d to old it is dren nost has chil- in is that orts- and » the ate. or at ean oise- sible is, I van’t your ee | The New Philosophy ‘*Dete,” said Eggles, motioning me to a seat at his table, “I want you to meet Etherington Nish; a brother Destructivist.” “A what?” I demanded. “Destructivist. V latest school, you know. Believe in clear- ing the ground of all our outworn institutions, to prepare the way for the New Evolution.” “I see,” I said. “Delighted to make your acquaintance, Mr. Nish.” “Charmed,” replied the brother Destructivist. ‘Though I must say, I don’t like your nose. Too much waste space above the nostrils. But don’t bother to change it; next week we're coming out for the entire abolition of noses. Outlived their usefulness. No longer require them for the pursuit of game; and as for protecting us from the danger of partaking of decayed meat, it’s all spiced so highly nowadays no one can tell the difference. really must go.” “Surely,” I said, “you're not stop- ping at noses?” “Far from it. In fact, much more has already been accomplished. Though our ultimate purpose may have remained concealed, our handi- work has long been visible. Through our medical branch we have elimi- nated the appendix and tonsils en- tirely, and all other organs partially. es, noses “Oh, Arbuthnot! Our Little chicken farm is a success!” “Throw the poor fish back. Mazie! His bank roll is too small!” “Through our cosmetic branch we have practically removed the femi- nine eyebrow, and are following up with the hair. And through our critical branches we are dealing the death blow to art, literature, and the drama. Oh, no, the nose is but a small item in our future plans.” “I sce,” I said. “And what are the requirements for membership?” “Merely a wife who believes that ’s for the best in the best of all possible worlds,’”’ replied Nish. “In fact,” added Eggles, “that’s really at base of the whole move- ment. The philosophy was an after- thought.” Gardner Rea Fate Poor dumb Dolores! She couldn't sing—she couldn't dance—so they put her out of the chorus—and now she’s leading lady!