Judge — September 6, 1924 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

XUM As It Might Have Been | wcenE: The Roman Coliseum. (The SD theater is packed to capac In the most prominent place a great purple banner signifies the fact that here is the seat of the emperor.) Enter: Two present-day pugilists. First Pug—let’s stall t'rough dis, mate! Wot’s de use o’ gettin’ all cut up over an exhibition? Wot say we take it easy, cull? Second Pug—Yer on, buddy! I ain’t gonna mix it up when dey don’t give ya no purse. Wot de hell? (They shake hands as the gong sounds, and spar feebly.) First Pug—Wot town’s dis, anyhow? Second Pug—Dis? Dis is Rome. De; a bunch o’ hams here. It’s a rough joint. (They clinch.) First Pug—Rome, huh! I fit a guy name o” Kid Caesar oncet was from here. Dat baby sure was good, what I mean! Second Pug—Yeh, he was de champeen | around here. Dey stuck him wid a knife | down in de wop quarter last year. He was a tough egg. First Pug— Say, cull, who’s de big guy sittin’ up in de press box wid a poiple suit on? Wot’s he, a Congressman or some- pin? Second Pug—Naw. ya fathead, dat’s de empire. He ain't in no press box. Dat’s a trone. First Pag—Empire, hey? Wot--Amer- ican or National? Second Pug—Aw, he ain't no bottle- dodger. He's de head muckymuck o’ all dese blokes, First Pug—Huh, soft job! Wot’s all de yellin’ fer? Second Pug—Dey wanta see blood. You leave me hit ya on de nose! First Pug—Wot ya tryin’ to do, make me laugh? You le me hit you! (They agree not to hit at all.) First’ Pug—Lookit the poor simps stickin’ dere t'umbs down! Whazzat mean? Second Pug—I dunno. Dey want rain- checks or somepin. Listen to ‘em howl! (From a far corner a lion bounds into the arena. A second lion follows. Pande- monium reigns in the stands.) First Pug—Hully chee! Will ya look at dat? Dere siccin’ de dogs on us. Second Pug (leaping over the ropes)— Run fer yer life, fella. Dis is de hell of a town. I've got better treatment in Brooklyn. (Curtain) Edwin Rutt Thoughtful There was only one piece of pie left over from hincheon, and mother divided it equally between Bobbie and Bobbie looked at his pie and then at his mother's empty plate. “Mama,” he said earnestly, “I can’t enjoy my pie when you haven’t any. Take Elsie’s.” To-morrow’s Telephones So vital a factor has the telephone become in American life that the demand for it would undoubtedly grow even without increases in population. New businesses are founded; others expand. New homes are established in town and city, in suburban dwellings and apartment houses. To meet the needs of America, to-day and to-morrow, with the best and cheapest telephone service, is the responsibility of the Bell System. The telephone will grow with the population and prosperity of the country, and the plans of to-day must anticipate the growth of to-morrow. The service which is given to-day was anticipated and provision was made for it, long in advance. Money was provided, new developments were undertaken, construction work was carried through on a large scale. The Bell System, that is, the American Telephone and Telegraph Company and Associated Companies, has continuously met these requirements. It has enlisted the genius of technical development and the savings of investors for investment in plant construction. Over 315,000 men and women are owners of the American Company’s stock and over half a million are investors in the securities of the System. With a sound financial structure, a management which is reflected in a high quality of telephone service, the Bell System is enabled to serve the increasing requirements of the American public. AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES BELL SYSTEM One Policy, One System, Universal Service AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY Vindication! A very dignified-looking gentleman stopped at a Park Row newsstand and purchased two very staid, conserva- tive newspapers and an extremely literary monthly magazine. He paid for them—but after a mo- ment’s hesitation asked in addition for a certain. monthly bearing a decidedly zippy title. It seems that he must have sensed something of the inconsistency of his purchase and felt that some kind of 29 explanation was due—even to so un- literary a fellow as the particular news- dealer in question. “Er—I hope,” he said, as he laid down the necessary amount for the magazine, “that you don’t think I read this paper. Er—I'm just a contributor.” A. Neale Hae ‘Toward the end of 1907 Dr. von Teuber headed another expedition from the wet coast.— The New York World. From the Jersey shore, obviously. comicbooks.com