Judge — August 16, 1924 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Well! “Who? Did you ever?” Me? No, never!”"—London Mail Lawyer—Tell the court exactly where you were on the twentieth day of said month at five-thirty in the afternoon. Defendant—I was on the corner of the Strand, asking a man a question. “Ah—ha! But how do you know it was exactly five-thirty?” “Ah—ha yourself! The question I was asking him was what time it was!” —Answers (London) ated In Kent, a campaign has been started against littering the countryside with débris. Motorists are urged to stop and arrange stricken pedestrians in neat rows and not leave them strewn untidily all over the roadside. —London Opinion Rn ad The orator was not being well treated. His audience were better interrupters than listeners. So he, too, became roused. “When I eame here to-night I did not believe in the Darwinian theory. Upon mature consideration of my audience I do—half of you look as if you’d evolved from monkeys.” “Yes,” came the calm response, “but we have evolved.” —Tit-Bits (London) PID “These love poems are very short.” “What can you expect? Nowadays a courtship doesn’t last very long.” —Meggendorfer-Blitter (Munich) “T tell you, sir, I have played in all the largest theaters in Europe.” “Yes, but they’re nothing compared with the theaters we have in America. Why, sir, we have theaters so big that when a man in a back seat throws an egg it- hatches out before it reaches the stage.” —Tit-Bits (London) FAS “Your daughter seems very demure.” “Yes, she was always taught when out walking to keep her eyes lowered, for that’s the only way one ever finds money in the street.” —Le Régiment (Paris) Minister—Dear me. way to spend Sunday? The Victor—Spend Sunday! Lum- me, that only took me two seconds. —Passing Show (London) Is this the “Here! Have you forgotten that you owe me ten quid?” “No! Didn’t you see me trying to hide as you came along?” —The Bulletin (Sydney) FAH He (meeting her for the first time for years)—Upon my word, Miss Hawkins, I should hardly have known you, you have altered so much. She (coyly)—For better or worse? “Ah, my dear girl, you could only change for the better!” —Answers (London) PAH The Man (looking for sympathy)—I’ve been through a good bit since I married. The Old Flame (who hasn’t forgiven)— Yes, your wife’s entire fortune, so I’m told. —The Bulletin (Sydney) PID “Mamma, to-day the teacher asked me if there were any more at home like me.” “And what did he say when you told him you were the only child?” “He said, ‘Thank heaven!’ ” —Jugend (Munich) FAD Imitation marble is being made from concrete. But I’ve known a housewife to do it with a handful of self-raising flour and a few currants. —Passing Show (London) comicbooks.com