Judge — August 2, 1924 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i] Si OA All’s Well met Bilkins this morning for the first time since I had sent him to Professor Phixit, the domestic specialist. On our previous meeting he had related to me all his troubles with his wife. It was the usual case—a serious-minded man hooked up with a butterfly—so I sent him to Phixit, the man who reties mar- riage knots. From his care-free attitude this morn- ing it was evident to me that my advice had been of value. He greeted me with undisguised affection, his serenity was absolutely remarkable. “Well,” I said, “how did the Professor fix you up?” “Marvelously!” he beamed. “He’s a wonder, and it cost me hardly anything. My home life now is just as happy as it can be—I haven’t a care in the world.” I told him I was certainly glad to hear that, “and,” I continued, “how is your wife?” “Oh, I don’t know,” was the compla- cent reply. “You see she eloped with the Professor.” Wuff! Rastus—Dat am a savage lookin’ dorg. Rufus—Yas, sho ‘nuff. So savage lookin’ dat dorg am, he am plumb skeered to growl “Oh, John! Do you see anything of my hairnet?” Father—I always knew Henry could manufacture a flving carpet for $244 if he put his mind to it! 13 Mary’s Little Lamb Me was the proprietress of a diminu- tive incipient sheep, Whose outer covering was as devoid of coloring as congealed atmospheric vapor, And to all localities to which Mary perambulated, The young Southdown was sure to follow. It tagged to the dispensary of learning, One diurnal section of time— Which was contrary to all precedent— And excited the cachination of the seminary attendants When they perceived the juvenile mutton at the establishment of learning. Consequently, the preceptor expelled him from the interior, Which precipitated Mary into a lachry- mose condition, But he continued to remain in the immediate vicinity without fretfulness Until Mary once more became visible. Lovetime Little beams of moonshine, Little hugs and kisses, Make a little maiden Change her name to Mrs. Phan Traveler—And there at my feet yawned a ighty chasm. Bored Hostess—Well, I don’t blame ii, comicbooks.com