Judge, 1924-08-02 · page 14 of 37
Judge — August 2, 1924 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces lampooning early 20th-century American attitudes and fads: **"By Gum!"** mocks the health-obsession craze of the era through Ivan O. Pinion, a man who meticulously follows every wellness trend (fresh air, tonics, Scott's Emulsion, vitamins)—yet dies anyway. The widow's revelation that he suffered from pyorrhea (gum disease) suggests the satire: obsessive health-consciousness is futile and somewhat ridiculous. **The vignettes** about Mr. Rogers and Winkler satirize changing gender roles—wives taking "track-work" and husbands learning domestic tasks, which confuses traditional expectations. **"The Real Desperado"** jokes that flirting with widows is more daring than actual frontier violence—commentary on small-town morality. **"Waves"** is romantic poetry, seemingly unrelated satirical filler. **The restaurant exchange** plays on immigrant/ethnic humor: a waitress unfamiliar with "wienerwurst" (German sausage), misunderstanding it as French cuisine—mocking both pretension and working-class ignorance.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“There goes that nice Mr. Rogers; th’ only one o’ them commuters R wat kisses his wife & good-by.” “Yeh. That’s b’cause she took up track-work afore they was married.” Appeal Press Agent (to star, who is beginning to lose her popularity)—Now, Balma, what I want to know is, are you willing to become a mother? Red Blood Nodd—Winkler tells me he has been learning to weed the garden and put up the hammock without his wife’s assist- ance. Todd—Does that please her? “Oh, yes—now she calls him her cave man. “She married an out-of-doors man.” “So I’ve heard—he never gets in be- fore three in the morning.” By Gum! van O. Pinton Rolling in wealth, Cared not for his money But worshiped his health. E-v-ery morning When he a-rose Stood by his window Minus his clothes. Tnhaled quite deeply Expanding his chest, Physically perfect He rivaled the best. Avoided congestion, Disease and convulsion, Took regular tonics And drank Scott’s Emulsion. Kept regular hours, Devoured vitamines Ate animal fats And vegetable greens. Ivan O. Pinion Was buried to-day In spite of clean living They laid him away. Reporters from papers Came when he died, Questioned his widow, And then she replied: “Tvan O. Pinion Most careful of mortals Kept physical sickness Away from his portals. “There’s no use in doubting He lived systematically, Just one point he missed I state this emphatically. “Ivan O. Pinion This secret did grasp Before his last inhale ‘These words did he gasp: “Heed this grave danger —wWhile you're yet alive —Pyorrhea—pyorrhea— Gets—four—out of five!” “ Waurer J. James. The Real Desperado “How did that quiet little man get the name ‘Dare Devil Dave’?” asked the stranger in Holster, Ariz. “Did he shoot up a gang of bandits or something?” “Nope,” replied the native of the town. “He kept continually flirtin’ with widows.” 12 ‘Waves T= waves chase in, the waves chase out; I wonder what they chat about. I wonder if they whisper things They overhear when bathing brings Young couples to the quiet bay— The words of love that wooers say, ‘The vows that till eternity Man will be faithful as the sea, That kisses, spun from gossamer And dew, were only made for her. I wonder if the waves repeat ‘These summer sayings, soft and sweet; Then, lilting, laugh and coyly toss White brows and murmur: “Apple Sauce!” The fireman’s elopement. Ach, du Lieber! Patron of Restaurant—Please bring me an order of wienerwurst. Hattie, the Waitress—We ain’t got nothing like that on the bill of fare. Proprietor (overhearing)—Hist, Hattie! Hot dog, hot dog! Hattie (aggrieved)—Well, why didn’t he say so, then? I told you when I hired out that I don’t know nothing about them fancy French names. comicbooks.com