Judge — July 26, 1924 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Junior—I'm sorry, sir, to have overstayed my holiday, but I was detained on very pressing business. Boss—Oh, so you wanted two more days of grace, eh? Junior (absent-mindedly)—No, sir—of Molly! Billings Takes Up Oratory n up literature,” said Billings. *s a mean blow to litera- * said Billings, “but a man’s first duty is to his country. I’ve de- cided to devote my talents to politics. I'm going to becom “That's a grand idea,” I said. “I sup- you'll be a candidate for something with dignity, “I’shall permit myself to be drafted into service. I do not seek pub- lic office but—” ‘ ublic office is it that you do not set I asked. “Well, I thought of letting my friends force a judgeship upon me,” said Billings, “but I'm not a lawyer, and there’s y time for me to study law between now and election.” “Well, it would cut into your after- noons somewhat,” I said. “Exactly,” said Billings. ‘That oc- curred to me, too, So I've decided to run for United States Senator instead. I've always had inquiring sort of mind. Besides, I hear that the $ is the most exclusive club in America. Yes, I think I should like to be a Senator.” Are you doing something about it?” T asked. “Yes, I'm studying oratory,” said Billings. “A statesman has to be able to sway the multitude by the magic of his voice. He must have magnetism and personality, I’m going in for magnetism and personality.” “Td like to get some myse “How do you go about it?” “Oh, you couldn't do it,” said Billings, at me disparagingly. “You're . for one thing. And you have to have it in you to begin with. Now I'm naturally magnetic. I ean hold people—” “That you can,” T agreed. “And I'm a natural orator. When I was seven years old I won a prize at school for reciting “The Wreck of the Hesperus. All L need is a little train- ing.” “How do you train to become an TT said. “Well, I first tried the Demosthenes. method,” said Billings, “but somehow it didn’t work. Demosthenes, you know, filled his mouth with pebbles and went down to the seashore, and tried to speak above the roaring of the waves. There isn’t any seashore near my house, so I tried going into the bathroom and turning on the shower bath. But I couldn't get the knack of talking with my mouth filled with pebbles. I nearly swallowed them every time I tried to speak. Old Demosthenes must have had a funny shaped mouth.” “He spoke Greek, you know.” “Well, that may have made a differ- ence,” said Billings. “But I’m teaching myself now. The voice doesn’t matter 28 —London Mail. much any more if the microphones are properly adjusted.” “How can you te “T have a book Worst Orations’ that I'm reading. ‘Then there’s the story about the two Irish- men, Pat and Mike. I almost know that one. But I'm devoting especial atten- tion to political oratory. It’s somewhat different from after-dinner, or post- prandial speaking as we orators call it.” “How “Well,” said Billings, “there are wo principal branches of political oratory. One is called Pointing with Pride, and the other is called Viewing With Alarm. After you've mastered those two. the rest is easy, but they take lots of prac- +h yourself?” led “The World's It sounds quite interesting,” I said. “Well, it’s not so easy as it sounds,” said Billings. “It's quite a stunt to point and view through a broadcasting appa- ratus. Pointing With Pride is the most difficult.” “Td like to hear how you do it,” I said. “Well,” said Billings, “suppose you wanted to speak of your party’ record, and your party had no record to speak of. Suppose your party had looted the public treasury and your leaders were crooks—” “That seems like a rather hard propo- sition,” I said. This is how it’s done,” inserting his hand in his 4 “My friends,” he declaimed oratorical- said Billings, comicbooks.com Bi wl of